Let Me Be Brave in the Attempt

Passion

2011-09-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

I know I've been gone.. still working toward that goal.. just not blogging about it.

Anyway... Fall is super busy for me so I have not been on the internet except to answer emails on my phone, and I have rarely gotten to watch any TV. Well yesterday I got some TV time. I had recorded some of those Extreme Couponing episodes. Wow, it is like watching Hoarders. You are horrified, fascinated, and even though your jaw is on the floor, you can stop watching! These people are CRAZY mad over their coupons. They spend at least 35 hours a week planning their shopping trips and gathering coupons. And personally, I can make more money an hour than they save, but whatever. The point is, these people, surrounded by their spreadsheets and 20lb binders full of coupons in their little storehouses of (junk) food they got for free... these people, they have PASSION. They LOVE doing this, LUV.

So, Ive been mulling it all over in my brain, not even sure what or why, when I saw something that reminded me of scrapbooking. Something I REALLY love to do. It has kinda been the last thing that is MINE that I have temporarily given up while I focus on my children and husband. I have some passion for that, but not what these people have. But I get that little happy, crazy giddy, butterfly feeling in my stomach when I think of creating.

And then it all hit me at once. I've been thinking about those crazy couponers because IIIIIIII want to be good at something that I have serious PASSION about. Wait.. I do have passion, about nutrition and health and fitness... it gets me excited and righteously angry and fueled up in so many ways. And I never have to work hard to remember any of it, it just STICKS in my brain. Then why doesn't it show? Why do I hold back? It is so much a passion of mine that I can't hold it in anymore. It just keeps leaking out and I am spilling all my knowledge on people and blindsiding them with information and zeal! Ha. Guess I need to mull that over for a while and find some reason to the 'why' I have not been embracing it and TEACHING it. Because I sure do KNOW it. And we even live it, but only 70%, I want some 95% lifestyle going on over here! haha

Gotta run.. my little one does this great toe propelled army crawl, but now he is into EVERYTHING!

Eats for 7-11

2011-07-11T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hoping that pictures work for me.. who knows. I did a trial run on Friday and all I got were pictures of empty or half empty plates! ha.

9am

noon (prettier BEFORE mixing)

2:30 because I am starving...

5pm, no picture, but I had a bubble tea drink from our local shop. It has rice milk in it, but it tastes like the milk left over from Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, so I am sure it is not all that great for me. I shoulda added some protein powder to it. I will try and remember next time I stop by there. I go every time I go to COSTCO. Not sure I know how to go to COSTCO without getting a bubble tea on the way home!

6:30 - Dinner (chicken from Oxygen Mag May 2011 I think)

Now that I look at that meal, I see not enough meat, too many (YUUUUMMMMMYYYY) potatoes, and too big of a plate. My hubby got my little 8 inch pie pan. Turd. He left me with the 9 inch one. Speaking of... have you guys every tried using a pie pan for a plate? We LOVE them. They keep sauces in so nicely. Helps the little guy not spill too. And I can buy such pretty antique pie pans for way cheaper than I can buy antique plates.

8:30, way too tall a glass of wine. It was a long afternoon. I am back to having a child with a witching hour. Anytime from 5:30 till 7:30 Liam is fussy and hard to deal with. Of course that is when I am making dinner, and trying to conserve what little energy I have left for my sweet hubby. It is hard, this season of life, but I don't mind. I want to soak up every minute of my precious boys. I struggle with making sure there is enough left over of me to give my husband at the end of the day. I don't want us to look at each other when our precious children are grown, and think there is nothing left. I want us to still be going strong. To be gross and disgusting and making out and talking dirty to each other just like my parents are! *gag* I know, I love hate that! haha

The only workout I got in today was our walk to and from the pool, and 25 minutes of playing on the Wii. I am trying to figure out where a workout fits best in our day. We are on a pretty good schedule now, so I should be able to figure it out in a week or two.

Ooooh, nearly forgot! I totally scored this beauty from the trash!

She doesn't look like much.. but wait.. see what happens when I clean 'er up!!!!

Ain't she perty? It was definitely left outside for a while. It looks all nice and antiqued if you get close. I like that... but I like old, well used things. Anyway, it was free, and it is HUGE, and I will use it in the garage to help me check my form when I work out! I am SO excited! I am off to research how to hang it on the wall now! That thing is HEAVY! I barely got it in the car! I am sure the people that put it to the curb got a great laugh watching me struggle gleefully with it! hahaha

Dust Yourself Off

2011-06-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Observations while Swimsuit shopping

2011-06-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

I went for a quick run to the local sporting good store to buy a swimsuit. I just can't let another summer go by and force my children to miss out on the fun of the pool because their mother has body issues! I mean really, enough punishing myself, and don't you dare mess with my precious babies! Sooo, I went shopping, and came home without a suit. *sigh* These are the observations I made...

1) Wow, I am pasty, like I had to wear sunglasses just so I could look at the suits through all the glare! Ha. Apparently I CAN use self tanner while breastfeeding. Ok, will get on that!

2) A couple more salads a week and definitely a few more runs (like more than the TWO times I have run since my second son was born!) would not hurt me ONE bit!

3) I am VERY proud that I have almost NO cellulite on my body. It is shocking, and I LOVE it. I had LOADS of it after Lucas, but all the healthier eating with Liam, has done my thighs and booty some good!

4) I have very low standards in swimsuits.. so why can't I find one? All I want is one that covers my rear, and my chest, and doesn't cost $75. (It is not like I can expect a couple of pieces of SPANDEX is going to 'fix' the sins I have committed to my body, hahaha) I can find any two of those, but not all three. I KNOW that I will be most comfortable in a 'competition' type swimsuit, but those suckers are NOT cheap. Guess I will have to shell out that big cash. Why, oh why Sierra Trading, have you failed me this year? Ha

I am heading off to the 'promised land' (Oklahoma where I was raised) for the next two weekends. Poor hubby will be staying behind. That work thing, that pays for my higher ac bill since I seem to still have hormones racing through my body and I am HOT all the time! Haha. But I will get to see my mommy, work on this PASTY white body by laying on the dock in the lake. (there is not much better than that, really, not much makes me happier, well, except unsolicited hugs from my children!)

My mom has decided to be vegan again, and though I do not 'agree' with the diet, I am pretty happy. The healthiest and happiest I have ever seen her was the year she was vegan. She lost weight like crazy, she felt like she was in control, that really helps your self esteem! And she thought about what she put in her mouth, which really, is never a bad thing. Helping her get a good start on that, will help me remember that what I put in my mouth, always shows up on my body. My skin, my tummy, my thighs, my nails, you get the point.

After I get back, I have some ideas of what I will do for a while on the blog. I need some accountability with my meals. I am much busier with two little guys than I was before. So I either eat nothing all day and suffer headaches, or I stumble upon 'crap' food and scarf it down. Though, the 'crap' can't be too too bad since I have gone gluten-free and trying to avoid milk products, but still not the best stuff. So I might try and take pictures of everything I eat and post them. We will see. I would like to stop spending time on Farmville at night, and maybe spend less than half the time I WAS 'farming' and blog instead, then spend the rest of that time, snuggling with that man of mine. That man of mine, oh, that blessed, God given gift of a husband!

I'M BACK

2011-06-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

Sooo, long story short.. I was working hard towards my goal, making strides like crazy, and I started feeling dizzy during workouts and could barely make it through the day I was so tired. Then I went on a car ride over Memorial Day weekend, felt car sick.. and I KNEW... I was pregnant! WHAT! Sooo, fast forward 9 months later with lots of nausea (lasted the WHOLE pregnancy) and plenty of heartburn and only gaining 30 lbs (which, by the way is only HALF what I gained with my first child) my second son was born, the day before his older brothers fourth birthday no less! Oh, and this time, I got to birth on MY terms. I went to a birthing center and the experience, sans meds, was nothing short of euphoric. It was amazing, unbelievable, empowering and life changing. Nothing will ever compare, nothing. I am SO glad I did it that way!

Anyway.. here I am just over a year from when I started trying to get back to it and get in the best shape since I got married. And the 'dream' is still alive. However, nursing a voracious 4 month old and waking 1-2 times a night makes it mentally tough to deal with the 'dream'. I will say that I lost ALL my pregnancy weight in 3 WEEKS. Can you believe it? AND I am already a couple pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight!

So, Now I shall try to be consistent with chronicling becoming a fit NURSING mother. There does not seem to be very many examples of that in the fitness world. Surely you can be fit AND nurse? I mean, aren't we meant to nurse our young? Come on now! I'll figure it out, somehow, because I am NOT giving up nursing just to 'get my body back'. Right now I am happy to share it with my little Liam... but I still want to be healthy. Because after all, the better I eat, and take care of myself, surely the better and richer the nutrition I will be providing him through my milk!

Stay tuned, I promise to take a picture of me and my two boys. They are so precious. It is such a gift I have been given. I am so blessed by my little surprise pregnancy that afforded me the opportunity to take my body to the limits it was created for and have a 'natural' childbirth. So blessed to be a mommy to TWO little boys. Have I ever mentioned how much I love little boys???

Temptation & Success

2010-06-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day weekend we went and visited my in laws. I am very blessed because they actually like me! Haha. None of that horrible stress.

We had a great time. I tried to plan ahead and brought snacks I could eat and an extra meal or two as well. Most of the time my mother in law really tries to cook healthy. It drives my diabetic father in law NUTS. haha. Apparently it was his turn to run things, so we went out to eat, not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. CRAPPPPP. The first place we went to I just KNEW I could eat healthy. Um, yeah, wrong. This is why I HATE small towns. No offense to those that love them. I just can't take it. The 'best' choice was a "grilled, skinless, boneless chicken breast", with BUTTER covered cooked to death veggies. (There is no such thing as changing up the menu to suit YOUR needs) I ordered just the chicken. SERIOUSLY? It came out with SO much grease on it that I could not sop it all up with TWO napkins! I ate a meager salad at the 'salad' bar. Lets just say they use that term VERY loosely. Since when is mac and cheese and jello SALAD? Grr. The next day we went to Sonic. I did NOT want a grilled chicken sandwich with no bread, so I just waited to eat till we went home and made some egg whites. Then, the next morning, my Father in law wanted to go to get Kolaches. They live in German 'country', so apparently they are legendary. Humph. I will NOT lose $$ just for that, so, I was a big girl and made some egg whites again, before we left. Lets just say that I ate a LOT of egg whites that weekend!

The things I learned.. It felt AWESOME to come home from that trip and have LOST weight! I am down a total of 10 lbs. I finally fit back into my clothes. I can breathe again! haha. Also, though it was SERIOUSLY painful at the time to make wise choices, each time it was a little better and let me tell ya, seeing the very sad, very overweight people chowing down half asleep on all that buttered and fat drenched food was more painful than making a wise choice. Do I want to be fit, healthy, and chasing my grandkids around, or do I want to be tubby, in pain, only watching my grandkids play just so I can eat all the grease I want?? Hmm...

Two Weeks down, six to go!

Delts & Abs oh, and a little cardio too!

2010-05-24T18:16:00.000-07:00

The workout plan I am doing right now I LOVE. I like how it splits up my muscle groups and how I get to hit the weights FOUR whole times a week. I think I will stick with some variation of this for a long time coming. I really like it. New and exciting. My muscles have not stopped complaining and I love it. Oh, and I also feel a tiny bit of freedom that if a morning does not work out, it is OK, because I always have a day I do not HAVE to go to the gym during the week. Freedom is a good thing.

I especially like that there are a couple more exercises JUST for delts. Shoulders are my biggest lacking muscle group. I never feel like they are big enough and pop to make the rest of me appear slimmer. I have struggled finding a way to emphasize them, but now I have the way! They have their own day paired up with abs. That way they still get hit on days like chest, but I can really annihilate them on their own special day.

This whole $1000 pay out has made me focus the tiny bit more energy I needed to make workout ALWAYS happen. Sad that I just now realize that it takes like only half an ounce more energy than I was giving before.

For instance, I was honestly too tired to get up at 5am this morning. I would have been dangerous on the road. So I committed to lift at home during naptime, and I actually did it. It did not RUIN naptime like I thought it would. Granted, I would not want to make it a habit, but nice to know I have the option and it is a GREAT option. THEN, I went for a super speedy walk around the park while my boys played soccer. They always want me to go to the park with them, but I hate it. Wish I knew why, but man do I hate it. This time, I got something done I needed to do, and they were actually happy because I made the walk to the park and back with them and even played soccer for a whole 10 minutes with them. (That is about my limit anyway. I rather do crafts, or *gasp* cook with him!)

Now I have three more lifting days this week and 2 more cardio sessions on the books. I have a full week, but this just adds some stressless icing. Why do I ever fall off the wagon when it feels so good to be on that wagon? I need to post when I feel the self-sabotage demon coming on! Gotta analyze that one right out of my way.

Kcals and MacroNutrients

2010-05-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

My little brother is a nutrition science GEEK. You should see him. He is evidence of his geekiness too. He is fit, and lean, and very strong. He looks like an Abercrombie model. Doesn't hurt that he is awful pretty, in the most manly sense of the word of course! He even has a wife, two young kids and they both work and are active in their church and have a nice little social life.

He and I have always shared a love of fitness and nutrition and how one can sculpt the body with the right tools and knowledge. He is just WAY geekier about it than me, and, well, he is living proof of his knowledge!

I have been SO sick of wavering around and not getting serious, so this week, I set up a challenge and decided to bring my geeky family member into it too! He is LOVING it. He always wants to tell all of us what to do. He is a middle child you see, and I was ALWAYS telling him what to do, so I guess it is my due!

Here is what I did. I have saved up $1000 for that figure contest. Yeah, I know, I told you I felt like God wanted me to lose some weight already and get strong and lean! So, I gave ALL that money to my brother. I get to EARN it back by sticking to the diet he has set me up with and doing ALL the workouts in the current issue of Muscle & Fitness Hers 'Transformation Challenge'. If I complete a week successfully, then $100 goes back into my 'contest account'. However, if I fail, that same $100 gets paid to my MORTGAGE. He said that was a win win since we are trying to pay it off early, but yeah, I would SO rather spend that $$$ on me since I scrimped and saved it. I am selfish like that. Anyway, back to the challenge. I have 8 weeks to complete this challenge. But you say, that is only $800. Yep, I know. Those last $200 are tricky. See, if I screw up and lose $100 one day, I wanted a way to not let myself feel like I could just lay in the ground and ruin the whole week by eating like crap etc. (as I am wont to do sometimes). So now, I can lose $100 in a week, but if I wallow in my failure, then I lose an ADDITIONAL $100. However, if I pick myself up, and continue on like a biggy girl, then I will not be penalized any extra. I will get that $$$ back at the end.

This is the first time in my LIFE that I have been counting calories. EVER. I have learned so much in just these three days. I am even more amazed and impressed in the value of veggies. Especially greens. I already have a love affair with green smoothies. But did you know that FOUR cups of mixed greens is only 15 calories? WHAT? All that food, all those amazing nutrients, with that little tiny amount of calories to work off. Shocking. I think I will come out of this on the other side with a new respect for fruits and veggies and maybe, just maybe, I will finally be woman enough to cut up all those veggies and eat them up like I actually LIKE to do. (It is the cutting up and cooking that I always trip over, I love eating them.)

I will do another post about the specifics of my brothers plan and try to do a semi decent job of chronicling my progress. My brother is giddy, rubbing his hands together, e-mailing me more in one day than he has in the whole month before! He asked me to take 'before' pictures. I told him he needed to start a dossier because he has already given me more info than I have ever found on my own. And he KNOWS how to back up his knowledge. I only thought I was a research nerd!

Strength For Life

2010-04-16T05:42:00.001-07:00

I am sore, still. At least now I can manage my day and not cry when I drink water knowing that in just an hour I will have to fall upon the seat to pee! HAHA. I don't think that even ONE muscle I have worked out has not been sore. Even my back AND shoulders have been sore! Those guys are NEVER sore!

My current workout plan is from the book "Strength For Life". It is by the brother of famous 'Body For Life" author Bill Phillips. I am SOOO sick of doing Body for Life style workouts. I have done them off and on for the last 10 years. I only kept coming back to them because I KNOW they work! Anyway, this current workout is SO different and I LOVE it. I get to the gym around 5:10 and I am ALWAYS home by 6am when my coffee maker turns itself on! Even on the long workout days, I get to hear the coffee moaning and gurgling when I walk in the door. For a busy mom, that never seems to have it all together, this is a GOD SEND. I actually have time to read the Bible AND spend time on the Internet or better yet, read a little in a book! I missed reading books. And all of this before my husband wakes up enough to turn on the TV or my son gets up and starts demanding to be served. Ha

Anyway, the thing is.. the silly guy at the gym (that runs the front desk) keeps giving me CRAP about how short my workouts are. On one hand I laugh and know that he is NOT going to deter me, and well, you know how boys are, they tease you when they are trying to be nice. (roll my eyes) And, I think, dude, just watch... I am already showing muscles in my arms. I could see them while I worked out LEGS today. I mean REALLY. And for a moment I want to punch him. Ha. But then I decide, to put my big, mean, you just wait, pants on, and show him what a girl can do in 30-45 minutes a day. That is what I am going to do. I have SHOCKED one trainer before. He made fun of me too. But man, he changed his tune three months later when I had completely changed my body and my mind with just 45 minutes a day. Still, I kinda wanted to punch him anyway for having made fun of me in the first place. Even if he did practically grovel and tell me how amazing I was! ;)

Now if I could just have this much control over my sewing projects! haha! One day, soon, I WILL get that chair slipcovered. Really, I will.

Blogs, blogs & more blogs

2010-04-09T05:12:00.000-07:00

I am SO sore over my ENTIRE body that I can barely even LIMP around. My abs, oh heaven help me, my abs.... they hurt the WORSE! Haha, it is what I get for ever stopping taking care of my body! I will take it, but I am VERY much looking forward to NOT being sore all the time!

I have so much to write.. so many ideas, so many posts. However, right now, my focus is me and my job as wonderful mother and loving wife! hehe. My family is loving it of course.

Lately I have been reading a lot of blogs. Mostly home decorating, but I still have a couple fitness blogs I can't miss. I have been thinking about making this blog more about EVERYTHING in my life. I am not just about failed and successful fitness attempts. There are a LOT of things in my life that I need to be brave in order to succeed. I kinda want to encourage myself to jump into those things too by highlighting them in my blog.

As for the figure contest, that is STILL on. I am thinking that I will push it to the beginning of NEXT year. Don't think I am wimping out, I am still leaving it VERY open to do it this year. I am saving every little penny that comes into my hands for all the things I would need to buy. I am kinda hoping that I have enough $$ to hire a trainer for the last couple months and have a better chance of not looking ridiculous! hahaha! The reason for postponing it? I want to make sure I do this right. I want to get healthy, the real healthy, and stay that way for a while. I don't want to get so caught up in prepping for the show, that I don't learn how to make this a forever thing. You know? My goal all along, has been to figure it out for me, so I can teach it to others. I REALLY want to reach out to the women in my area and help them put themselves back on the list, and learn how to take BETTER care of their families by feeding them living foods.

Ok, I gotta go. The Boy is about to wake up and we are going to IKEA with a friend. WAHOO! I luv that place! Lets hope they take my kid in the kids club thing this time. Last time they said he was too short. Humph. He is NOT! hehe

Aggravation

2010-03-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

There are things that annoy me, aggravate me maybe?

1.) Gave up cokes over a year ago, don't lose a pound.
2.) Give up sweets, coffee (which I drink with a TON of half & half), AND stopped giving The Boy wheat TOTALLY (which means that there isn't any in the house for me to eat either). Still don't lose an OUNCE!
3.) We eat so little processed foods (and products for that matter) now that I can't ever seem to get 'benefit' out of sales or coupons. That coupon mom thing.. such a waste of my energy. We only eat meat, veggies and some grains. Oh, and I still have not lost a pound.
4.) Got a little bonus and instead of getting to spend it on those hardwood floors I have been drooling over for months (lets get serious, it has been years), and instead have to spend it on plumbing. Exciting.

The good news.. we had the money already to spend on that little plumbing adventure. We did not even have to dig into savings. God is so 'funny' like that. I should have known! HAHAHA!

Also, I did not give up cokes to lose weight. I did it to be healthier. And as for the sweets, coffee, and wheat, well that was for Lent, and for God's glory, not my own. And as for all the lack of processed foods, well, I have had to learn how to not hate cooking so much. I still don't like to do it, but every once in a while, I catch myself having fun. I know, how does that happen?

I think that happened because I finally listened to that calling in my heart to actively take The Boy alongside me as I work all day and teach him. He LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES to cook. I mean LOVES. He gets so excited that he can't even breath. He loves it. I get to giggling over him and spend enough of my energy keeping him out of stuff or finding ways that he can help me, that my mind can't take up brainwaves to gripe! How great is that? Also, I have found that when he 'cooks' the meal, he is much more likely to eat it up like a ravenous monkey. That is important stuff since he has suddenly decided to be 'picky'. Little does he know that is SO not going to fly in this house. That is one thing mom & dad are in TOTAL agreement about!

Mulling Spices of my Brain

2010-03-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

I have been dreaming about that figure competition. I have sooo very far to go. SO VERY FAR. I reread my post about how I wanted to do it and why I think THIS is the year. Wow.. now I have to do it! hehe. I want to, I really do.

I have been pouring over workout plans and clean eats. I am still thinking about what kind of bikini I am going to have to get to 'hide' my extensive stretch marks. Have you seen those bikinis those women wear? There is no hiding nuthin. What am I thinking? HA! I also have figured out how many weeks there are till my birthday and how much I want to lose by then. 21 weeks in case you were wondering. I want to be in off-season shape by then. You know, healthy, normal human with rocking muscles. 10 pounds over what I would need to be for a 'show'. I still have to figure out what show to do. That part makes my heart race and my feet sweat and my head faint. *catch me!*

We sold 'my' car at the end of January. I still don't have a car. Before you go feeling sorry for me let me tell you two things. First, sadly, my life has SO not changed much because of a lack of transport. Second, the only thing that HAS change is that I have been learning how to PACK a lunch, and wow.. cooking is not as painful as it used to be. You know, when the ONLY option is to cook, well then, you cook and shut the frick up about it! (By the way, Frick is a silly word my baby brother made up when he was mad about something, and my mom and I picked it up because it was so funny and now, I just can't seem to put it down, even if it does sound like a not nice word. I don't even think that way. Oh, he was so funny when he would say that.. sooo funny)

So let me go to bed.. try and sleep, so I can go for a run in the morning.. with a JOG STROLLER since I have no car to get to the gym. Oh, and maybe I can spend some time unearthing that weight bench in the garage. Hehe.

Chugga Chugga

2010-03-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Chugga Chugga.. well, lets see. We went to the Texas State Railroad yesterday to take The Boy for a ride. He is not that into trains, but it was worth a shot. He loved it, Sweet Love loved it, and I did not mind it! ;) BUT when the train ride was over, The Boy wanted to watch the trains. So we stayed, MORE than an hour later (it was already a 5 hour endeavor NOT including the 2 hour long drive!) to watch the trains be put away. It was REALLY cool. The Boy is just like his mom and wants to figure out how things work. LOVE THAT.

Anyway, the point of the little story is, the engine that pulled us was really small. Well only small compared to this diesel engine. They had it out on display. It was HUGE, MASSIVE, GINORMOUS! It was at the VERY least twice as long as that little steam engine and it was lots taller too! It was HUGE. However, I don't think it worked, or it 'cost' too much to turn it on and move it back into the train barn. They used that little steam engine. Here is where it was pretty cool for me. While we were watching, I was telling The Boy what I thought would happen next. I kinda figured that Steam engine would push the diesel into the barn, but I did not know how MASSIVE it was yet. I had not seen them next to each other. As it pulled close to couple together, I almost gasped. There was NO WAY that little engine could push that massive thing into that barn. NO WAY. AND you know what, if I had only stood there and watched it for 15 minutes, and 10+ tries, I would have believed it could not move it! But you know what, it did. It ramped up over 15 times before it moved it even an inch. And then it STILL had to ramp up and work at it again. Sometimes its little wheels spun, but the engineer kept at it. Putting on the fuel, charging up the steam, BAM, full speed again. It was awesome. Not one man on that little train doubted that the steam engine could do it. They all knew it could, and it did.

So here is what I got from my not eloquently written story. I can ramp up over and over and 'fail', but if I never give up, if I keep putting fuel in that engine of mine, and try AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.. I AM going to get somewhere. That engine tried 20+ times before it finally pushed that engine into that barn. AND while it was pushing it, it often spun its wheels! It was mind blowing. I haven't stopped thinking about it. Even thought about it during church. It applies to so much in my life. I am always the one crippled by the FEAR of failure alone. Not even failing! HA! That little Steam Engine 201. He is my hero and role model for the week!

So Chugga Chugga to you my friends!

Where I have been

2010-03-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

I have been absent for some time. I have also gotten fatter! But the reason I have been absent is NOT because I was getting fatter. It was because I was sick and tired of just whining on my blog, and not actually DOING something. Sure I would have a 'lightbulb' moment here and there, but then I would never grab hold of it and DO SOMETHING WITH IT! I was just tired of it. Tired of myself.

So, here I am, vowing to myself to not be a whiny baby and to grab a hold of something and keep on it. (I have been doing MUCH better with not whining, almost like my new years resolution. Sweet Love has been MOST appreciative!)

Still want to do the whole Figure competition. Will blog about that. Have a lot of blogs in my head. Just need to make the time to post them!

New Year - New Goals

2010-01-13T19:47:00.000-08:00

I am still here.. really I am! The whole holiday season is one of my favorite times of the year, but this last year it followed so closely on the heals of a very stressful couple of months for us. Since I like to ENJOY the holidays, I pretty much stayed away from the Internet and just did family and friend stuff. Believe me, even FaceBook felt lonely!

So now it is the new year. I love the new year. (I pretty much like any reason to celebrate or make something special!) I like the idea of starting new, making goals, dreaming.

This year, I have yet to do my little annual tradition of goal setting and dreaming. I know that a lot of what was on my list last year will be on this years list. Of course, this time I don't have to add half marathon since I finally got to do that one! YEAH!

I do know that there is one that has been on my list for the last 10 years. Yes.. TEN YEARS. Compete in a fitness, figure, or other related competition. I really keep thinking that this is the year for that. Yet I look at myself, all the failures of last year and the year before, and how far I have to go to get even close. It just makes me want to roll over, eat a cookie and go to bed. And then I remember what it felt like when I got to mile 13 of 13.1 miles. How it felt to see those spray painted numbers on that pavement. How I knew, that even if I fell and broke a leg, I could CRAWL across the finish line. How I finally realized that I COULD, and DID (what?) DID live through all that training, and that all I had to do was make another 100 steps and I would be there. It is still fresh like it was just last week. Then, I start to believe in me. Then, I start to dream about what color that silly bedazzled bikini would need to be. Then I start thinking about how I will need to get over myself and learn to pose in the mirror. Then I start to get a little excited about actually doing something that I know almost everyone that 'thinks' they know me would be SHOCKED to know I did. And that all the people that actually DO know me would laugh and say "What took you so long?". Then I get the same little butterflies in my tummy that I had when I saw that 13 spray painted on the cement.....

Oh, and another thing that has been on my list since I was 15.. yea, lets just say that was a bit more than 15 years ago! To adopt. I think we are going to just go for it. Sooo scary. I would rather paint myself in crazy black tanning stuff and wax things that just should not be waxed and strut myself on a stage in a bedazzled bikini then bring a social worker in my house to analyze if I should have adopted children in my house! So silly, right? I mean, really JRo. *sigh* Some things never change! LOL!

Quote for where I am right now...

2009-11-11T21:54:00.000-08:00

Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself.

John Bingham, "Tools and Rules," Runner's World

Sick, again??

2009-10-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I must still be sick, or be sick again. This time it is worse than last week. I feel like I have a minor sinus infection. Fortunately it is all in my head and if I could just set my head aside for the day, I could do all the things I need to do each day with no problems! ;) haha.

I have had a busy week, and next week proves to be NO slower. Then the next week, I might have less to do, but what I need to do is more stressful. (I am in a wedding, wearing a yellow dress. JRo does NOT do yellow well.) Oh well, this is life, right? Just roll with it and have fun!

Oh, and on another note. We are working towards adopting, or fostering to adopt. There is SO much info out there it is mind boggling. I am really excited and I can tell that Sweet Love is pretty pumped too. You know, in his understated man way. I can see he is positively dancing, on the inside! The paperwork, the choices, the decisions, the COST. Dude... if there are so many kids out there that need a home, maybe it should be less cost prohibitive?? Oh well. God will provide, I am confident in that!

Fail...

2009-10-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

Wish you could hear that in my teen aged brothers non emotional making fun of me voice. That is how I hear it. Like when you die at a video game, nothing is really lost, just some time spent, FAIL. Haha, hoho.

Today was poor planning and some surprises. A dear friend of Sweet Love's is having a health crisis of sorts, so he finally decided to go to church with us. Unbeknown to me, he planned to also came home from church with us. So he and Sweet Love had a man date, so to speak. But first, they made a little pit stop to our favorite grocery store, Sprouts. It is like candy for adults. LOVE that store. Anyway, I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO flippen hungry, and there were big hungry men in the kitchen prepping copious amounts of flesh for the grill, so I just had to take a huge chunk outta the ciabatta bread. I couldn't hold out any longer. I NEEDED FOOD. And it kinda spiraled from there, I mean, I owed a man a favor, so why not make the most of it, right? It actually was not so bad. I ate some chocolate chip cookie dough, and MORE bread (think I have a bread thing) and called it quits and went back to the clean eating. I am also giving myself a little grace, seeing at it is the SUPER emotional day of 'that time' and this happens to be the even MORE SUPER EMOTIONAL day I have about every 3-4 months, during 'that time'.

I need to make a better plan for next Sunday, because those are just going to be rough, no matter what. But other than that, I actually amazed myself last week. I finished off with a 5lb loss which is WAY more than I expected. So much more, that I almost don't want to do this week so strict. But, I also learned so much this week, that I kinda want to head on along this path for another week. Hmm... choices, choices.

As for the 'favor', it was just a very LONG food massage, so Amy, take that mind outta the gutter! ;) haha. Poor guy suffers from some kind of arch pain that has plagued him for sooo long. However, being the of the testosterone filled type in the species, he refuses to see a Dr. After all, he researched it online, and his friend has researched too. *shakes head and sighs* What am I to do with him?

Oh, and my little guy and I are feeling much better. Maybe it was just allergies? Who knows, I am just glad to not have gotten really sick. SOOO GLADDD.

Sick

2009-10-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, it is official. The Boy and I are sick. Oh well.

Sticking to the 'diet', just not working out. Apparently I have lost 5 lbs already, so I am just SO not worried about it. My body is thanking me for all the healthy fiber and other yummy things. My knees are not hurting nearly as much, and I don't feel all swollen like I had been since I got home from my mom's house. Except for the nasty asparagus, I really like all of this. I have discovered how much I like berries blended in some water after dinner. I will miss it next week when I can't have them any more! hehe

Now to snuggle with my little boy in the tent we made and watch movies all day.

The Man Which God Hast Given Me...

2009-10-21T17:23:00.001-07:00

...IS MAKING FUNNEL CAKE. I tell you he is trying to thwart me! ha! I will not succumb. Even if I do not feel well, I am NOT giving in! Guess it was a good thing to put him to task on myself. I like a challenge, a competition. And he is giving it for sure!

I worked, and brought a big ol cooler full of food with me. It was nice actually. My meals kinda coincided with the kids meals. When I got home, I snuggled up into my favorite chair and noshed on some celery and almond butter. I am liking that part a little more every day. The asparagus, NOT learning to like. GAG again.

Today I woke up with what feels like the beginnings of a head cold. I really hope I am not getting sick. I have not been sick in a LONG time. At least the last time I remember being sick was in April (maybe?) when I had that food poisoning that lasted FOREVER. I am hoping this is a slight detox effect maybe? I can hope, right? I still have headaches. Coffee is not really helping, so I think that tomorrow, if I even drink any, will be the last day. I am fine with that. I think I am finally ready to nip that little habit.

Ok, I am off to drown in the delightful scent (but not taste) of funnel cake and hope that I can find the episode of House on the internet that got taped over for BASEBALL. I hate baseball.

Aparagus

2009-10-20T17:43:00.000-07:00

Oh how I hate the stuff. That may be the single thing that would keep me from my dreams of competing in a figure contest! ha! Those nasty little stalks. I can barely eat them covered in olive oil, coarse salt and pecans, but plain.... GAG.

I am really enjoying eating so often, and for the most part, I love lots of veggies and lean proteins. However, I swear by the time I have chewed up all the celery for my 3rd meal of the day, it is time for meal 4! I am chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing. Rest, chew some more! Oh, and to bypass all the chewing for my evening meal (3 cups of greens, 1 cup of asparagus, and 1 cup of zucchini) I have taken to making a green smoothie out of it all. Not very tasty without the fruit in it, but hey, I am a biggy girl and I can hang for a couple more days! Makes me want to come up with all kinds of other ideas of how to put the veggies I LOVE into my meals. Also, I think I would rather eat my biggest meal (not even calorie wise, but volume wise) as a lunch, or even second meal of the day. I am so stuffed by the time dinner comes along, that I don't want to do ANY. MORE. CHEWING. Call me lazy I guess.

I have run two miles each day. The plan calls for pulling back on training. But how to you pull back on NO training? Well, it was not that bad, but I had not really done much over the three weeks of traveling we did.

Day two is almost under my belt. I am sleepy, and ready to get up early in the am and drink coffee (ha, I will be eating my oatmeal instead) and catch up. What a great start to the morning. Also, I will be working at the daycare all day, so I am not running tomorrow. When I told Sweet Love that, he said, so what are you going to do that is active instead of run. I was like, um dude.. you come take care of 6 kids under 3 by yourself and tell me all about how I need to be active. Wow, pull back JRo. Haha. I reminded him that I would be at work all day, and he thought that was enough. Wow, way to put the militant in charge! hahahahahahahahaha! He is so funny!

Headaches & Horse Pills

2009-10-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

I rarely get headaches. The occasions that I do, it reminds me to be extra grateful that I rarely get them, and to give that much more grace to those in my life that are plagued by them. Among the things I have discovered that gives me headaches are the following: detox (from eating crap foods, to eating clean healthy foods), iron in pills, lack of coffee.

Knowing this... I am unable to pinpoint my headache from yesterday. It was everlasting.

I have chosen to follow a plan in the current Oxygen Magazine 'Special' called Off The Couch. It promises that you will lose 10 lbs in 21 days. Normally I would NOT do a plan like that. I am so into muscle and shaping my body that the idea of losing weight that fast means losing muscle. However, my beloved Oxygen Magazine feels the same way, so I am hoping that this plan is not going to eat away at the little bit of muscles I have!

This plan calls for a lot of supplements. A LOT. I bought $75 worth of pills. Sheesh. Almost half of that cost was multivitamins that DON'T have iron. WHY do all multivitamins have iron in them? I KNOW I am not the only one that can't handle iron. It is well documented that there are LOTS of people with the same issue! (Good thing I like plenty of things in nature that will fulfill my iron needs!) Oh, and each one of those silly supplements are HORSE pills. HUGE I tell ya! Good thing I can swallow pills like a pro, but still one meal during the day I need to take 6+ all at once!

Also, not supposed to be having coffee. I was fine with that, I really do want to not drink it except on weekends with my Sweet Love. Problem is, my body is addicted again! Sooo, I drank a tiny, and I mean tiny, teacup full with only Stevia to make it palatable. I SO did not enjoy it, but it did take the headache down a couple of notches.

Oh, and I am a genius. Since I have the fatal flaw of NOT following through, I asked Sweet Love to help keep me accountable. He glowed. Oh, the poopface he is. I told him I would hate him, but that I really needed him. I know that once I REALLY get moving, I won't 'need' his prodding anymore. So, we came up with some conditions. If I attack the day, eat every meal and workout (5 times a week) then I get a REAL kiss. (He doesn't ever like to bother with that 'nonsense' but I crave it). However, if I skip out on even one little part of it, then I get a consequence. It is a 'favor' for him! Haha, I told him no fair to thwart me! haha. He is positively giddy. I actually used the thought of that favor, to force down my salad. I hate salad. Always have. After the initial stages, I get new sunglasses at 10lbs. I have plans for every 5 lbs after that, but I have not told him yet. Haha. He is loving his 'role' in all of this. It has oddly, added a much needed element of fun to our marriage. I knew I was missing something!

Wedding Dress Anyone?

2009-10-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

So I am joining Ruthie's Wedding Dress Challenge. I am excited.

My plan is to not necessarily be as small as I was then, but to zip it up within the top 5 inches. I was pretty thin back then. Like I would need to lose 40+lbs and I don't think I need to live at that weight. I want to live at 5-10 lbs more than that. So that should be close enough, right?

Anyway, I will post stats tomorrow, if I have time. I will have an extra kid. I might actually have MORE time, who knows. I can't take a picutre of me in my wedding dress as it is in my grandmother's cedar chest in northeast Oklahoma. It was her dress, and we remade it to fit me. It is a precious thing. I do have pictures of me then in it. I will find one of those.

Anyway, start date is tomorrow. End date is July 19th. Our 8th Anniversary. That will give me 9 months to get there. Like giving birth to a new me. Hahahahahaha.

See you along the trip!

Crazy week

2009-10-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy couple of weeks, and it is NOT slowing down very soon!

I went to my parents and earned the start up $$ for the gym. Let me tell you, I earned it for sure! I worked so hard! Their house is starting to really get ready and I am pretty sure I got them on a roll, finally. (They are trying to declutter their house so they can put it on the market, and move into their 40 ft RV till they find land to retire on.) It is a big job, but they are finally working towards it, instead of just talking about it. My mom wants the house sold by Christmas. Wow, tall order!

Now I am home just long enough to wash laundry, run a couple of errands, and pack again for a wedding in California. I am excited about that one! Then, I will be back for 2 more days, and my parents will come visit and maybe bring some furniture they no longer want. And the next weekend may be a garage sale, then the next is a scrapbooking retreat, then the next is a wedding I am in... and it just keeps going! A lot for a recluse like me. hehe!

Anyway, I feel like I gained 10 lbs just from the stress of getting my parents moving on ridding themselves of 30+ years of treasures and clutter. I never worked out, but I climbed those stairs a countless number of times, almost always with a load of stuff. My knees actually almost don't hurt anymore. I knew the stairs would be good for that! I am ready to come back from California and just concentrate on feeding my family healthy foods that fit in our sensitivities (no wheat or oats) and fuel our bodies, instead of foods that drag us down and just quiet the hunger screams from the belly! Also, I cannot wait to hit the gym with real regularity. I am so excited.

Till next week!

Insanely Sore

2009-09-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

Oh, wow. So Sore. SO So So sore. I hurt in places I have not hurt before. I can only imagine how I will hurt tomorrow. Right now I am only sore from the waist down, but today I lifted upper body HARD. I am so sore, that my legs will give out if I try to squat and move. Oh, it is just not funny. I love it.

A New Gym & Why I like 5am

2009-09-29T04:43:00.000-07:00

I have been working out in my little garage gym, and though I like it, it just ain't it for me. I really miss the gym. I miss the variety of equipment, I miss the added push I put into my workouts, I like that it almost feels like I have a nice, quiet, workout partner. Sooo, this week, I have FINALLY convinced Sweet Love to let me join a local gym that is actually open at 5am! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH! I am SOOO excited! Of course, he had all kinds of stipulations, but I will work around them! Ha, he cannot hold me down! He should know this, we have been together since '94. If I want something, I will make it happen. I need to make the $$ for the enrollment fee and the first and last months fee, then I can join. Good thing I was planning on going to my parents this weekend to work for them! WAHOO. Take that Sweet Love! ;) Oh, and I was super smart. I got myself a week free pass, so I got to start working out, before I made the $$. Today was my first day. AWESOME.

So, why I love 5am. First, I get some odd satisfaction from having gotten up at the crack of dawn to workout. I KNOW that most of the rest of the world is snug in their beds and it just makes me happy. Also, NO traffic, and almost all the lights are green. I love green lights. Next, since I hate the general public so much, the added benefit of everyone else being asleep is there are not many people in the gym. I LOVE that. LOVE, I tell ya! LOVE. Today, I was the second one there, and there were only 10 people there by 5:30. It only started to get 'crowded' (as in maybe 15 people) when I left at 6am. Flippen AWESOME. Another thing, the people that are crazy enough to get up that early, are serious about this working out business. If you are going to go to bed at 9pm so you can roll outta bed at 4:45am, you have some commitment. This translates to... no talking, no ogling, and no standing around taking up space instead of working out. I especially like the no ogling part. I never liked being looked at that way, and I love that men are too tired, or too focused to ogle anything at 5am. Haha. And finally, when I get home, the house is STILL quiet, and should Sweet Love get up soon, he is all bleary eyed which I find amazingly cute and funny! Hehe, I am evil, I know. Oh wait, another great part, I am awake enough to actually get something out of my quiet time AND it is still early enough to get it done in peace!

Oh how I love thee 5am.

Inspiration

2009-09-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

The Nie Nie Dialogues just get me. So inspiring, so beautiful, so creative, so free, so full of love and life. I can't get enough of it. It makes me want to enjoy every moment of this imperfect life for the beauty it beholds, just waiting for me to take off the glasses fogged up with pessimism, and see with clarity the love and joy that the Father has given me. He loves me, and He has blessed me beyond measure.

Tomorrow we will be enjoying a beautiful day of family filled adventures. Mostly I plan on flying by the seat of my pants, after all, I learned so well from my mom! Also, I plan on ending the day, and week for that matter, with a memory filled evening including movie watching in 'The Camper' (a tent my son and hubby built in The Boy's room complete with his little kitchen set, and soon a portable DVD player) and snacks that The Boy and I picked out at Target this morning. (err yesterday, how is it after midnight already?)

What does all of this have to do with fitness, and loving my body? Well, I think the first paragraph takes care of loving my body... if you missed that, read it again! The second part... Well all that ice cream I ate has made me PUFFY. I knew I had an issue with milk, but now I know that no matter what form the milk comes in, my body does NOT like it. Oh, and I am sure sugar is an issue as well. So, as to not ruin the evening's festivities, I will wait till Sunday to start a heavy detox until the puffy is gone. Like seriously, my fingers are STIFF they are so puffy! Crazy, right? No more excessive sugar and milk for me! Makes that coffee sound that much less appetizing, and that no sugar for 12 week challenge that much more necessary.

Oh, before I go. I am not sure I even blogged this. I have not had coffee in a few weeks. Our church asked us to fast and pray for an upcoming conference, and my choice was coffee. It has worked. I am tellin' ya, the only way I can abstain from anything, is if I promise God I will. How sad is that? I can't promise myself anything! Must work on that. Anyway, I still miss coffee, but I know it is not the drink, but the actual making of it that calms me. The ritual. The no recipe and mindlessness of making it that makes me take a deep breath and get calm. Now I have one more reason to NOT take it back up. Problem is, the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back out. My very favorite one of ALL time. Wonder if they make it with rice milk? Would that be the same? (I also react to Soy, so soy milk is out too) Maybe it is the drink that makes me happy too. Crap.

Challenge Me

2009-09-03T12:33:00.001-07:00

Even though I have eaten my weight in ice cream the past week (at least it feels like it) I am not beat.

I have been looking online at things that are very motivating to me. I am one that needs a goal, a challenge, an end date, an event. Yes I know my life is an event.. but I need some mini goals to get me through the marathon that is life. I must not quit running.

Soo, I have found a couple of things. Two of them are challenges on Tosca Reno's forum. The other one is from my blogging buddy Ruthie. I am a little apprehensive of taking on too much on at a time. So, I will be mulling it over.

The Tosca Reno Forum challenges are as follows:
1) FIT INTO FALL: 8 week challenge
This one basically asks you to "state a solid goal (ex. body fat % goal, weight goal, inches lost goal, clothing size goal, particular diet you want to follow, particular fitness regime you want to follow)"
It lasts for 8 weeks. Starts when you want it to in September
2) Pick Your Pleasure.
Starts on September 20th and lasts 12 weeks. This one has LOTS of options. Too many to bother typing in here! So I will give you the ones I am choosing from.
They are as follows:

Improve time it takes to complete a circuit of exercises (I will do the intermediate set, I think)
Improve mile time on a treadmill
No sugar &/or no alcohol
things to that effect... there are a lot of them, you can pick or choose.

Ruthie's, you can read here. I would like to do that one. Thing is, my goal is not so much to fit into that dress. I think if I can just get it zipped halfway, that would be more than good for me. Kinda not fair since I was SUPER thin and now I have like a zillion more 'girls' to deal with. Not sure I can get even thinner, nor do I want to, than I was then! ha! And... well, I never seem to lose weight up top. I know, I am lucky. My goal end date on this one would be my 8th anniversary, July 19th. That would give me 10 months. I think sometimes my "I can't do this" voice comes from trying to get too much too soon.

Soo, what do you guys think?

I really want to actively deal with the cooking issues. Back when I built an incredible body before... I ate very simply. Fine with me, but I have Sweet Love and The Boy to feed now! haha! So I need to find a way to cook simply, but keep it yummy for them, and within The Boy's food sensitivity constraints. I was kinda hoping these challenges would help me focus on something outside of my hatred of cooking, while still keeping me making healthy meals. You know, kind of like putting on that tiara and music helps me with those toilets! hehe!

Food = Frustration

2009-09-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

I know that the very bulk of my issues with not leaning up has to do with food. No, not the love of junk, though who doesn't love a cherry milkshake. No, it has to do with preparation.

Preparation. Something I have never been very good at doing in all areas of my daily life. My wonderful mom was, scratch that, is definitely a fly by the seat of the pants type of girl. She taught me well! It works in a lot of situations, and I am grateful that I am able to adapt quickly, once I get my mind around something. However, when you are trying to get fit and lean, preparation is the ONLY way it is going to work, and stick. ONLY WAY.

Here are my problems. I hate cooking. HATE. IT. Give me a weeks worth of sick baby diapers, as in the gloppy, messy 5 times a day kind of sick diapers, rather than cook ONE meal. I really really really really hate it. How can that be? It is all the washing, cutting up and chopping, and and and and that cooking yummy healthy meals requires. Dumping it all together is easy. Hence why I love to bake.

How do I get around that? It is like toilets and you just slap on some gloves, your tiara, crank up the tunes, and dive in? The last time I had 'fun' (and I use that term VERY loosely) cooking dinner, was when I had two glasses of wine while I washed, chopped, and and and. Can't, and won't, drink that much wine every night AND get lean! Right!?!?! Hump. I hate cooking.

So fine, I get my big girl panties and pull them up real tight, right? Then God threw my son's eating issues at me. Blast. Can't get a leg up, ever, sometimes. No, not blaming God. I know He has a reason. I have seen Him work frustration, disaster, anger, and defeat into a cup running over in blessings enough in my life to know not to blame Him. But somehow I have to deal with both my son's food issues, and my hatred of cooking, without whining and griping, and actually DO IT.

At least I know that my WHOLE family LOVES LOVES LOVES to eat good, clean, healthy foods. I don't have that battle.

I hate cooking. Really, I do. Today, the only reason we ate at Sonic was because I didn't get around to making tea (for real, I need to buy another silly tea maker already) and I didn't want to feed Lucas a hot dog for the 3rd day in a row, while I eat nothing, because, you got it, I don't want to cook. Sad really. I am so pathetic. Can someone just come by and chop all the veggies? I don't mind putting everything together and even the actual cooking part is not bad. It is all the, wait for it, PREPARATION! BAH! That word follows me!

Back Day

2009-08-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

I just finished my back workout. That means, for the last 5 days, I have not missed a workout! ROCK ON!

Now I am enjoying a doctored up protein shake and it is unbelievable! YUM!

Oh, and while I was working out in the VERY hot garage gym, Sweet Love came home (early so we can go to a free museum night) I SWEAR he got all kinds of turned on by me all sweaty in the gym working out. Weirdo! ha! He is so silly and wonderful sometimes! I love that man!

I am not sure if I am going to stick with this workout. I really like leg day, but other than that, I am not sure I am getting enough of a workout in??? Until I get my rear into planning a different one out, I will use it though! ha!

So Tired - UPDATE

2009-08-27T13:13:00.001-07:00

Ok, so today not only did I not get up at 5:30 when my alarm went off, but I continued to sleep till 7ish. Man, I must be tired! I am still tired. I feel like crawling back in bed. And add to it, my sweet son is all kinds of cranky and had dark purple circles under his eyes too!

So today I have not worked out, and frankly, I don't plan on it. If Sweet Love manages to wrangle himself from work at a decent hour I might do a plyo workout with a deck of cards I just found that sounds fun. But I am not going to stress. I will rest today, and hit it again tomorrow! That fire is still burning, just needs a little refuel from some rest.

My current Bible Study is done. I am sad. I really enjoyed meeting with God in the am with a plan. I am such a planner (which, unfortunately does not translate into a scheduler!). Guess I gotta get a new one! Somehow it seems to go together, my time with God, and my workouts being fun and efficient!

Ok, off to finish some delightful Chocolate Soy Mousse from Tosca Reno's Clean Eating Diet Cookbook. It really is yummy!

UPDATE
All day I kept thinking that I would just throw some leftovers and The Boy at Sweet Love when he walked in the door and go to bed. But I made myself a green smoothie for dinner, and I think I found my new favorite comfort food. Crazy, right? Even the making of it, was soothing, and some how a little energizing. Maybe it was just stress relieving and that made me have more energy?

Anyway, Sweet Love came home, and so did a mild cold front. We all decided to walk to the park and play till the thunder came. As we were s-l-o-w-l-y (we go at 2 year old speed people) making our way back home I thought about how I might feel good enough for my intended weight workout. Then I realized that I left my keys at the park! Well, that served as a great little warm up as I ran to the park and back to retrieve those keys! So I got into that fantabulous weight room in my garage and clanked around some iron! I feel MUCH better now! So off to the tanning bed I go now. Mmmmm, I love the hum of the tanning bed and the quiet it affords me! (Spare me the lecture of how bad it is for me, I know, I know... I am tanning for a wedding I will be in and I have to wear a yellow dress. Trust me, EVERYONE needs me to be a little tan in a yellow dress!)

Delts and Tris again!

2009-08-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you know you have the 'fire' when you and your Sweet Love cancel your vacation plans, but you still get up at 5am, or even use up your precious nap time, to workout! WAHOO! Yeah me! hehe! (I am sweating buckets right now from my nap time workout, buckets I tell ya!)

So today I broke down my delts and tris. I hate working tris, love working delts, so it is a great combo!

By the way, I am STILL sore from my leg workout on Thursday. Tomorrow is supposed to be my next leg day. What if I am still sore? Workout anyway I guess!

Legs --> Annihilated!

2009-08-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, I miss the appointment with my gym at 5:30 am this morning. Rare for me, because I prefer to get up early, but I was SOOOOO tired, and I even took a nap yesterday AND went to bed around 10pm! Crazy, I know. Anyway, I figured I was at a loss, since I had a LOT of places to be back to back ALL day. But... I found some time, and I fit it in! At 3pm no less! It was HOT. But you know, you are going to sweat buckets when you lift legs no matter what, so what are another 5-6 buckets full of sweat? I mean, really! It was so great. They actually quiver if I try to use them for anything but normal walking. i am going to hurt SO good for the next 2-3 days! Bring it on... I am READY!

The First Day At the New Gym

2009-08-19T04:44:00.000-07:00

So, today, I woke up bright and early at 5:15. I wanted to rush on over to the new gym in town. I hear it is not crowded, has great music, and though it is a little hot, and there is not a lot of equipment, it is still a great little place. It is open 24 hours, and even has a private potty and cafe right off the weight room. Ah, I love my new garage gym! haha!

I finally bought the weights I needed to 'complete' it this weekend. I could not enjoy it because there were just WAY too many people to visit, host, and such. Then, we got home after midnight from Austin on Tuesday morning, and I just was NOT going to get myself up. Good thing, because The Boy and I were a sad, tired, sight all day! (yes, we were BOTH in our pajamas till just before Sweet Love came home, and we changed only because I know he would have been put off by us! ha!)

Anyway, lifted Delts and Tris. Felt really good. My arms are little weak spaghetti now. Soon they will be strong, sculpted guns! WAHOO! Did I say how much I love that new gym in town? hehe!

Slightly Random

2009-08-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

I am SOO disgusted by the glee with which some people scarf down greasy fat laden insanely large portions of food. (I am watching the travel channel with my in laws. SOOO gross)

Starting to feel the fire

2009-08-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

I have been searching for the fire for what feels like a year. You know, the one that helps you kick it up like 10 notches, and actually start seeing REAL results? Not the kind that keeps you staying the course but the kind that blows you out of the water. ( I have this staying the course down pat, thank you.)

For about 6 years I have been bemoaning the 'loss' of my very fit, lean healthy self I had when I first got married. I worked REALLY hard to get there, and even remember saying, "NEVER again will I work that hard, because I am just going to keep the ball rolling." But then, enter sweet snuggly newlywed hubby into my bed and the 5am workouts did not look as appetizing as snuggling up to my new hubby. Then the realization of how completely broke we were, coupled with him STILL not having a job, then buying a house (after he got a job of course), new cars (paid for in cash, we are Dave Ramsey freaks!), and a baby, and well, again is here.

That is fine. I am up for it. I have a whole new set of challenges. I have a full time job as a mom, wife and woman to work around. But I am not afraid to get up at dark thirty to make that happen. I am ready to be the example my child needs, and the wife I always wanted to be for my hubby. I mean, when your 2 year old is running up and down the yard in 98 degree heat squealing, "Look Mommy, I go for run like you!" How can you NOT know that what you do speaks louder than what you say??? (He has also tucked my iPod band under his arm and said "Mom, I go running now, see you later!" Kills me how cute he is!)

So, I will get some meals cooked up, clean ones of course, and eat as well as I can. I have the very large stumbling block of three sets of family to visit in the next 5 days, but once that is over, I am fully committed. I just NEED to lift weights, jump rope, and be sore and tired. I am desperate for it.

After all.... Just because you know what to do, doesn't mean you do it. I just gotta apply what I know. It will take work, but I have time, and want, so just gotta do.

Balance = Making Memories?

2009-07-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

I have not been on here much because I have been busy reading a blog that just might be life changing, and a couple of books. Neither have anything to do with working out and eating right, you would think. The books I bought to help me be a better housekeeper, which I think will help me be a better wife, and momma. The blog, well it is just inspiring beyond my words to describe it.

What does this have to do with being fit and healthy? Well, the blog, it is a beautiful woman with a profound faith in God, with sweet children and a man she is head over heals in love with. Every photo is beautiful (her home is Oh, so beautiful, even better than my dreams!), and most of them are just simple shots of regular life. Her words just emanate the love and joy she has for her family and life. I want to have my words emanate that. I do have love and joy for my family and life in general, but my pessimistic tone kinda ruins that! Words are soo very important. Not only to my own self view, but for my family to hear and feel the love I have for them

There are about 12 weeks till Sweet Love and I go to Cabo. Sweet, right!?!?! Well my first instinct is to get all freaky and plan my life out to the nth degree so that I am svelte and ready for the trip. Thankfully this blog has arrived in front of my eyes.. and I see things a little differently. I am taking pictures more often, so I can see my son grow, and making eating with him a little more of an event. This means that I have to make my meal BEFORE I give him his. Which means, sometimes.. I might have to eat a hot dog in order to eat with him! WHAT? I know! I will state that my tummy does not like the hot dog however! oops!

About the book.. the author talks about how to reclaim the house from a pig pen, into a beautiful showplace. My house ain't that bad, but it has a LONG way to go before becoming a showplace! Anyway... she talks about how the process is a marathon. You plug along, and little by little it gets done. You look back and are amazed by how far you have come. The only way to do this, is small steady steps in the RIGHT direction. Not this no holds bared, blazing trail to the END. Then I thought, wait... if I want this working out, eating uber healthy thing to work out FOREVER... then I gotta see the progress and keep my face towards the goal, and stop knocking the 'slowness' of it all. Marathons are run at 6 minute mile paces, not sub 5 minutes. You know? A full minute is a BIG LONG time in running. HUGE difference. I feel like all my 'past' attempts were at 5 minute mile pace and I was never able to finish. I gotta slow slow slow slow slow down and take it a step at a time. OK, fine. I don't do slow, but now I have to learn. I will learn!

PS, my marathon metal is to have my body looking fit like the women in Altheta. (An online retailer of sporty clothing)

Juice(er)

2009-07-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

So, sent back that juicer last week... after spending another $80 in shipping and supplies. YIKES. Still have not even received word back from the seller. Getting a little worried.

BUT... I just made some celery, lemon, and apple juice with my blender and one of those nut bags I was talking about. Can I just say - AMAZING?!?! AND my kid is toddling behind me saying "I want some more apple juice! (Guess all he tasted was the apple!) It was also just as fast, maybe faster since the clean up is WAY easier. Hope I do get that juicer back though... or at least the money....

I have survived

2009-07-14T05:18:00.000-07:00

I am back, and so glad.

Of course the reunion was not as bad as I feared. But I think that is mostly because everyone somehow got old. I know I have not aged one bit.. hehe. The great thing for me, is that I am a lone child between about 10 years of no kids... so there aren't even 'cousins' to really compare me. They are all 5+ years older or younger! I am still insanely pale, and 'fat' but screw them. Oops, sorry, I slipped there for a moment! My grandmother just can't keep it all in. She told me "You get prettier and prettier every year, when you leave your hair down." Really grandma? I am only pretty when I have my hair down? Whatever.

As for the eats. I did pretty well. There was not a lot of choices, so I just ate small amounts of food and lots of the fruit I found. I did binge of sorts on the homemade strawberry ice cream. But since that is a once in a year at best sort of thing (I have not had it for probably 5 years) I just kept scooping it up and moaning and enjoying every bite! haha!

I sent back the juicer... $80 later! Sheesh. Why does shipping cost so much? Gas is not even that bad anymore! Lets just hope I get it back. I guess I cannot whine about the juicer, I did get my nut milk bags in the mail! I will be drinking a yummy smoothie today, but until I get to the grocery store, I am not going to really be able to eat very raw. I miss it. I am ready to get back to it. I liked how I felt and how pretty my skin was already getting.

Emotion, Raw, & a Reunion

2009-07-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

So, I have been missing from the blog for a little bit. Fear not, I am not gone... just treading water up to my top lip!

My family reunion is on Saturday. Every family is messed up, I get that. We each have our own family issues, fine. Well, this particular side of my family may be all 'high class' (not a redneck amongst the bunch), but that does not mean there isn't some dysfunction! My dad's side of my family is all about being skinny... at ANY cost. One woman in the family is SO skinny, as in bones with skin laid across them. She was pregnant a while back. Gossip, if you listen to it, says that the Dr told her she would lose the baby if she did not start eating. She lost the baby. And, if that was not enough, we are part American Indian. So if you can't be skinny, at least you can be tan, right? Yeah, well I got my mom's super fair Scottish skin that is so pasty it glows. So I am out on all accounts! Oh, I do have the beautiful American Indian high cheekbones, but somehow that is not currency in this family! ha!

So, back to why all that back story matters. The reunion is in two days. Now I know that I do not need to judge myself by their standards. I know that being skinny by not eating, or eating processed rice cakes, is NOT something that I want to do. I have already established that my key goal is health. But this does not mean that being openly judged by their standards is not going to get to me! I have been on this part of my health journey for over a year, and the last three months this reunion date has been looming over me. I did not start the raw thing in order to fit into smaller clothes for the reunion, though that would have been nice! I did it to get healthier, and hopefully fitter. And I was doing GREAT! Making amazing strides and fighting all kinds of inner battles. Then my period came, and I lost sight of the trail. And then the real terror hit. I started stressing about this stupid reunion! Bah! *sigh*

Oh well. I am going to do my best to get through the reunion. Do my best to pick the best options I can. To stop and recognise the emotion, and not 'eat it' so to speak. And when I get back, I can step back in where I was. I do think, however, that I am not ready to give up coffee completely. It is kind of my last vice. Especially now that I am trying to do raw till dinner. I just need SOMETHING until I can find another option. But I can't get to that other option from where I am standing right now, and personally I think that my coffee drinking is just not that destructive, considering all the other things I used to binge on in the past. I am just not ready. Maybe next month!

I will say that I still really have no craving for fast food stuff. That kind of died when I stopped drinking sodas a while back. I have had a few of my son's fries (he can't have them anyway) and I got just onion rings once. But both times I stopped mid bag and thought, ugh, this is NOT yummy, what can I find in the fridge to eat! What, did that just come out of my mouth????

So, pray for me to make it through this stupid reunion. To add injury to insult, my great girl friend buddies are all at the most fabulous scrapbooking retreat eating yummy food (though none of it would qualify as raw!) and swimming in a great little pool, staying up till 2am, and scrapbooking their hearts out in a PRIVATE room while they jam to great tunes from our high school days. I am so bummed. My grandmother had to pull out the guilt trip. "It is the last one we will have at the lake house!" she says. Humph, fine, I will miss the retreat, and suffer at the reunion! Oh, and did I mention I have to drive 5 hours just to get TO the reunion? At least I get to see both of my brothers, and my brand new baby niece! Look for the blessings JRo!

Oh, and one last note.. my juicer broke, I know, could not have been better timing, really. But I emailed the lady I bought it from, and if I get it to her REALLY fast, then she will send me another one! WAHOO! I get it replaced for the cost of shipping it back to her. Done deal! But in the meantime, I bought some little bags called Nut Milk bags that are supposed to be able to 'strain' the pulp out and leave just juice. Let me explain... blend all the ingredients you want to 'juice', then 'strain' them through the nut bags. They will be my backup at the very least!

That 'time'

2009-07-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I WAS doing really well, and I really DID not having any fast food cravings for a whole 3 weeks. Then 'it' came. Stupid period. I swear ALL day yesterday I just could not put enough food in my mouth. I have never been able to calm that monster. I even ate McDonald's. I mean, I ate EVERYTHING I could get into my grimy hands.

I can say, that I am again back to not craving the bad stuff. I am also miserable. I have definite confirmation that the raw till dinner or at least nap time lifestyle is something my body craves. Hopefully between today, and the next time my little friend visits, I will have a better plan. Or at least lesser evils to stuff myself full of! ha!

Also, I have not been able to sleep the past two nights. I hope that is hormone related, because I just can't take not sleeping too many nights in a row! Oh, and as for coffee... I just can't do it. I will try again next week, but for the rest of my hormone filled week, I will allow my self some coffee so that I can allow my sweet family some more peace and mercy from my hormone state!

My beautiful son is in the kitchen floor playing playdoh and singing a jumbled alphabet song with his delightful voice, given to him by his sweet daddy. I am so very blessed!

RIP

2009-07-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Oh, sad day. I had just finished making a MONGO huge green juice (just used a little of everything in my fridge) and then all of a sudden my juicer starts making the most terrible noise! WHAT? I have only had it a little over 3 weeks! What? What am I supposed to do now? That was $210 that just crapped out on me! I had even taken a picture of all the pretty veggies I fit in there! Oh well, I will figure it out.

As for the last couple of days... I think this raw thing is really working for me. I swear that my bad food cravings are dramatically diminishing. Yesterday I took a day off from super raw eating. Guess what I had. A coffee with oatmeal sweetened with dried fruit, then for lunch I had spaghetti (I swear that Laura makes the BEST spaghetti), then for dinner I had sushi. I seriously did not even want any fast food... none. I still can't get over that. Usually that is THE thing I run out for. But nope. Even today... I had that super huge veggie juice, and otherwise raw healthy fare all day. In fact, I missed not having a green smoothie yesterday, and if I was not so tired, I would be making one now! haha!

Tomorrow is another green fast day. I am ready and actually craving it. I love all the healthy stuff I am getting into my body now. SOOO glad I found so many ways to fit it into my life so easily.

Another 5:30 am Run

2009-07-01T04:51:00.000-07:00

All week I have been getting up sometime in the 5 am hour to run or otherwise workout with Favi, my running buddy. It feels so good to be back at it. And apparently, this is what I am supposed to be doing, because the last two mornings I woke up, WIDE awake, before my alarm went off! How does THAT work?

Also, apparently God is wanting me to just enjoy the runs and the company, because every time I have gone out, I am missing a different piece to my Nike+ or iPod! so I have no idea how far or fast we are going, we are just running till we need to turn around and come back in time for my hubby to work out, and hers to leave for work.

For a long time I was playing the victim that I could not fit it 'all' in. I want to workout, have 5 minutes of alone time, and 20-30 minutes at least for Bible reading, and during nap, I want to lay like a vegetable and do NOTHING. Seemed like I could not get it all in. And the only things that I would sacrifice would be my time alone, and I am not a great mommy if I don't have a little time without 'Mommy get me this, Mommy get me that' (or Wife for that matter). The only solution seemed to get u at 5am. WHY did I resist for so long? I am actually tired when Sweet Love wants to go to bed, and I am up, and ready for the 'Mommy Mommy' of the day!

I am enjoying one of my last bits of coffee. I am sad to see it go, but know I will feel all the better. Also, the whole raw till dinner is still really hard. I want to do it, but I keep pulling out not raw food and eating it before I realized that it is not raw. That is fine, just need to change a habit. It is not that what I am eating is bad, just not what I planned to do that day! It will all get better, just takes time.

Today Laura is taking me shopping. We even have a babysitter! WAHOO! I am totally stressed out because my body is not where I want it to be and I have never let myself get clothes in the past, because it (my body) is not there yet. However, in my effort to focus on HEALTH and not figure first, I need to get over myself, and get some clothes! Besides, I am pretty sure Sweet Love would REALLY like to come home to a wife in something other than stinky workout gear, or holey t-shirts and jeans that are falling off of her. Seriously, all my jeans are too big, even the size 6 ones. Why do I still feel fat? Synchronized eye roll please!

Week Update

2009-06-30T05:44:00.000-07:00

Shew, I have another week of more raw foods in me. I am glad. Parts of it were really rough, other parts shockingly easy. I do really like this better than Body For Life. So does my tummy!

Tummy Proof: Went out to eat on Friday night, had a grilled ham and cheese. NEVER doing that again. Not only did I feel sooooo sick to my stomach, but for two days (until my wonderful green fasting day) I felt uncomfortably full. Have I been living like that? Bloated and almost sick to my stomach? The next night I took it a little more easy. I am glad. I was not as uncomfortable. Now if I could just get my sweet hubby to take that cobbler I made to work, then I would be set! haha!

Had another green fast on Sunday. I really like those. Feels like any 'sins' I had in my diet over the last week, are washed out. I also like the simplicity. I do not have to think about food for a whole day. My husband does not mind, he loves cooking and only has time on the weekends, so we are all happy!

Random note... they are STILL playing Madonna's Vogue on MTV? Really? I am so old.

I have been running with my buddy again. Today we did an early morning workout. It was a lot of jumping and minor lifting. It was not hard, but I was tired at the end. There were parts that I could not complete, but that was only because I am not strong enough yet! Give me a few weeks! haha!

Oh, and on the body front. I have about 10 days till the skinny freak family reunion. I weigh almost what I did three years ago when I got pregnant. However, my body SO does not look the same! ha! As to be expected, right? That having babies is pretty hard on a body, and I am just now really taking care of her, so I will let her do her work. I do feel like I have lost quite a bit of muscle. Today I noticed that though my legs look really thin, they look ANYTHING but strong. I would rather have much bigger legs that are strong! Must remember that! Need to get my ball out and keep those bands in my face so I will do them! I am rested enough from being so sick, seriously!

Now for another week. I am on my last week of coffee. I am so sad, but ready. I am down to the tiny tea cup of coffee in the am. Is it sad that it gets cold before I finish it? Yeah, I thought so too! I need to really concentrate on getting my smoothies in. I also need to eat more, I know that. EAT JRo, EAT!

The New Bench

2009-06-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

Oh how I have wanted thee! And now you are here!

I got my parents old bench in May. I think it might have even started out as mine, or I was involved in it's purchase in some fashion. It is a nice sturdy thing, but the padding was all kinds of worn out! See how thin that padding is? That is all board there baby!
So... being a crafty little thing, I bought some supplies...
I had to get a little retro. How do you like the sparkly vinyl? I LOVE it!
And turned it from a bunch of parts... (Good thing I am mechanically inclined, Thanks daddy!)And turned it into this!
(Please excuse the horrible garage! I am working on it!)

Now I just have to go get weights! Sad, right? I have the bench, and no weights! haha! SOOOO me!

Green in Bits

2009-06-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

Ruthie asked for pictures of my green drinks, and today I thought I could oblige! Hope you enjoy!
This is my green lemonade. Today's was actually nasty. There is something in our current baby greens mix that I just do NOT like, and that is ALL I could taste in this one. Too bad!
It was awful pretty! Told you it looks all artsy!
Oh, and the silver beast, she is one mighty workhorse! (You see, all my appliances work really hard, and have to multitask.. so they are all women! haha!)
Here is the mighty drink, all poured into my glass... oh, and the one where it is separated, how pretty is that? That happened in the time it took me to clean out the machine. I swear it does not take me long, but apparently long enough!Doesn't it make the prettiest compost? Look, there is already a fly on it!Now, for my delightful green Smoothies! Oh how I love them! Sooo tasty, and I think, they are mighty pretty too!

First, add some water (this time I added coconut water I found in the Mexican Foods section of my grocery) and spinach. The yellow is some flax seed oil I added today.
Blend up, and add spinach AGAIN! I am the only person I know that can single handedly finish one of those HUGE boxes of spinach in three days!Now for some Mangoes... aren't they lovely?Blend again, pour.... oh so rich and smooth!
Now, I get to drink one! Look how happy I am? I had to give you a picture just so that you could see my smile!

Here is a picture of The Boy, dancing at my feet begging for a 'moothie please! Oh, he is SOO pretty!

It is a Blessed Day

2009-06-22T17:20:00.000-07:00

I am still in a funk, but thankfully better. And the best part, I can actually see all the bright blessings in my life! Wonderful friends, Sweet Love, and The Boy, who is a light and joy!

Today I only managed to be raw till 2pm... but that is my fault and I can learn from today. Not that big a deal anyway, since I only planned on being raw till 3ish anyway! I just knew I had to eat THEN or make a really bad decision an hour later, so I ate what I could get in my mouth NOW that was still on plan! Some days I am sooooo hungry, and other days, I feel like it is force feeding myself just to get a Green Lemonade in by noon!

Tonight, ooooh sooo yummy! I just went into my wonderfully, and colorful, stocked fridge and pulled out what looked yummy, washed and chopped it up and topped it off with some of that yummy yellow dressing I made. I had a HUGE salad of mixed baby greens (I still don't really like half of them, but they are cheap, so I got over it) topped with: cucumber (Oh my fav), yellow squash (Who knew it is actually quite yummy raw?), zucchini, tiny bit of goat cheese, and half an avocado. Oh, and that avocado... smooth, buttery, and oh so creamy! The dressing is a lemon, garlic, olive oil and agave nectar(my new favorite natural sweetener!). Who knew salad would be so yummy when I finally found a dressing that was not full of chemicals or non nutrients!? Oh, and another thought on the raw squash... it is like natures answer to fast food. You know how you don't have to really chew fast food, it just goes down the gullet so easy? So does squash! I hate to chew, so that is a big deal to me! haha!

I keep not managing to get in my green smoothie. The best time to drink it would be during nap time, but for some reason I am soooo resistant to making it in the garage, lest I wake The Boy! Gotta either find a better time slot, or get over myself. I think it will require me getting over myself either way! ha! I will figure it out! I do oh so love them!

A Green Kind of Day

2009-06-21T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today was my first green fast in almost a year! Why do I do wonderful things for myself, then stop abruptly, because it is too much hassle, only to find out later, that the rewards FAR outweigh the 'hassle'?!?!

This morning I had a mighty green lemonade. The thing was HUGE! And one of the best I have made yet. I still think they are not yummy, but then, they are not yucky either, so I will stick with it a while longer. Maybe I can find a 'recipe' that is fabulous! Then, after church, I had a huge green smoothie and some herbal tea in there somewhere too. Then, tonight for dinner, I had a little of everything in my fridge. I had to really sweeten it up with some stevia to get it down, but you win some, you lose some! Overall, I just hope it gets this 'full' feeling I have OUTTA here. I think I might be backed up... I know, TMI. (Oh, and I really ought to take a picture of those juices when I make them. They are SO pretty before I stir them up! Very artsy.)

Still not in the best of moods, but everyday is a little better, and all the kind words are not hurting me either! Today's sermon was pretty poignant. He talked about being an exception. I think that is kind of why I am so frustrated. I have always wanted to be the ONE mom, wife, 30 something, in a group that was fit, healthy, kind and happy, with Christ's love oozing from my mouth. And somehow, I am just one of the same in the group. And then add all the humanness that is in me, and well, you get the garbage in my head. *sigh* God and I will work it out. He has a perfect (did you know the translation of that word in the Bible is better termed as complete?) plan for me... I just gotta quiet the heck down and LISTEN!

Recovery?

2009-06-20T20:09:00.001-07:00

As my last post indicated, yesterday was a rough day. Today was not much easier. Somehow I have to learn how to dress this post baby body. I really don't think, that no matter how lean I get, that I will be able to wear the clothes of my past. That is fine it is just that I have never been all that great at finding MY style.. and now I am supposed to do it at new stores (no more juniors section for me!), with a kid (this means less time and more distraction), and much more limited funds! Sigh.

This is part of being a mother, right? I am reading a book about how to be a better Family Manager. It talks about how healthy families run like a business, with a lot of added love. The author talks about how the manager of the home makes hundreds of decisions a day. Some that have to do with finances, scheduling, etc. I am not sure I was quiet prepared for all that. Now I do think my parents did a great job at teaching me to make decisions and being confident in them, but MAN do I make a lot of them, and it can get pretty overwhelming if I look at the bog picture. You know the one where Sweet Love still thinks I am the most wonderful delight, and we have raised a wise young man. You know, the end goal. It is shocking. I can manage, but sometimes it is a heavy load.

Anyway, today was better, but still rough. I bought so many beautiful veggies at Sam's. My cart was a delight of color and shapes. It was so pretty. I kinda can't wait to eat it all!

Oh, I did read that my severe mood could be a result of detox from all the veggies. Not sure I am one of those 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' types... so it is not easy for me to write it off as just detox. Well, that and I feel like the true detox I have been doing on my heart and soul is the past months of deep daily cleansing in God's Word.. the Bible.

So I leave you, my friends, with a thank you for all the support. I will finish my little watermelon creation**, and go to bed. Better choice than wine, right? Oh, and tomorrow is my green fast day! Wahoo! I did these last summer and I really liked them. I think I need one about now!

**My watermelon creation you ask? I scooped out all of the meat of a watermelon in to my blender, than I ran the rind through my juicer, then poured that juice into the blender as well. lightly blended it up, and I am drinking it down! I love it, better than watermelon the normal way. You see, I actually like the part of the melon that is right on the rind the best. So this way, it is like that is all i am eating! LOVE! (I should say, I did it this was because the inside of melon has lots of organic water and fiber, and the rind has lots of chlorophyll which is apparently helpful in making amazing quality blood, and who doesn't want that?)

Just Sick Of It ALL

2009-06-19T19:23:00.001-07:00

Today was just a long hard day. Lord Farquaad (The Boy) was at his height of whiny tired and oh so needy. Crawled all over me, and I am one that NEEDS her 10 foot bubble. And it was just one of those unexplainable woman emotional days. You know the kind of day, where nothing is 'wrong' but there sure ain't nothing right either! I felt on the verge of tears all day, and I do NOT cry. Also, I was really frustrated food wise. All I wanted was the crap I was feeding my kid. Know that I am not planning on feeding him much crap for much longer, but I feel like I gotta get it figured out for myself before I start weening my family off their favorite crap foods. I need to be the example. That Proverbs 31 wife I so desperately want to become. Anyway, everywhere I looked I could not see anything I 'could' eat. Of course there is a bounty at my feet, but I am not looking there. I am looking across the fence! I did fine, stayed on target, but I sure did whine about it.

Then, my Sweet Love, took us to the mall since he got home early. We even went to Wendy's on the way. (I got a Mandarin Chicken Salad by the way!) I went into two stores because they are all having MASSIVE sales. Humph. I am SICK & TIRED of feeling FAT. Size 8, almost 6, should NOT feel fat! Right? I mean, for real people! But every time I try on clothes, I see my pasty self all fluffy and oh so freaking top heavy in EVERYTHING. Drives me batty and makes me want to cry on a good day. Can you imagine on a bad day like today? I have cried. I have worked so hard all year long. Sure I have been off here and there, but for the vast majority, and certainly more than any other year previously, I have worked really hard. I don't get it. Here I am, a year later, and I am still about the same weight. I am a size smaller.. but I was barely into that bigger size to begin with. My top half is still ginormous. Guess there is nothing I can do about that. Silly me wished so hard for them when I was younger, little did I know how hard it would be to dress them.

Anyway, I am just tired of fighting so hard everyday to reclaim health and 'youth' (that is my own age youth, not my teen years back!) and to barely gain two steps ALL year. Of course, I must remember that I did make one HUGE goal. I did make the half marathon.. but I want more. I want beautiful clothes. I want to be that HOT mom I always dreamed I would be. I want to be that kind, desirable wife I think my Sweet Love deserves. Where is she? Why can't I find her? Why is she trapped under 20 lbs of weight? STILL.

Ok, I am off to drink a glass of wine. *gasp* I know, the Baptist is drinking a glass of wine... forgive me, I need to calm the frick down. Oh, and it is in my 'diet' plan... so I am not cheating! haha!

And They Exclaim- She's Back!

2009-06-19T04:55:00.001-07:00

That would be my feet and legs... rejoicing, because I FINALLY ran again today! Oh, it hurt, so nice. I am so glad my running buddy is back! She was out of town helping her family say it's last goodbyes to their matriarch. She is glad to be back to run the emotion and stress of the last few weeks off as well.

So, for the food thing. This is only a little snippet. I am still trying to assimilate all that I am reading into something that seems like the best of info, that will also work with my body. One book that really seems to resonate with me is called The Raw Detox Diet by Natalia Rose. Of course, as most raw foodists and vegans are, she is a little New Age for me, but most of the eating sounds like the kind of thing my body has been BEGGING for! The basic gist, is to eat raw foods till dinner, then you can add either flesh, or grains to your cooked or raw veggies. Oh, and delight of all delights, all morning you feast on fruit! Bring me into heaven baby! I have been loosely following her guidelines for this past week and I have not had any of the normal tummy issues I have 'learned' to live with. Of course... I do have a few detox symptoms, but my tummy is happy, so I am happy!

So... all that to get to this. My goals for this week have been:
Drink a Green Lemonade (basically you juice greens, a lemon and an apple together... and enjoy? I don't like lemons...)
drink a Green Smoothie (now that is another slice of heaven!)
Raw till lunch
Drink only one large cup of coffee

Next week I will stay raw till after nap, then the next week will be after dinner, then I will just get closer and closer to her food combination stuff. (Not sure how I feel about the whole food combining thing... The flesh apart from grains makes sense, but no fruit with my greens?)

Oh, and as you can see, I am weening myself from coffee. NOT happy about that, but it is something that I KNOW I MUST DO! Coffee does not agree with me, neither does the half and half that I must have with it! So out it must go. I feel like I am having to say goodbye to a long time boyfriend that I know is no good for me, but we sure did have a good time. So ridiculous, really. It is not even the coffee... it is the quiet I demand to enjoy as I finish that cup. *sigh*

Green Smoothie!!!

2009-06-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

I was asked about Green Smoothies, so here it is!

I read about these over a year ago. Not quite sure how I got there, but it was somewhere between these two blogs/websites.

Green Smoothie Girl
Happy Foody (specifically this post)

The basic premises is that the more greens you get in your diet, the better your body can function. Lots of fiber also. Oh, and a GREAT way to get some of those nasty greens you would never eat on their own! And for people like me... who LOATH salad... lets just say, this is the ONLY way I would ever get greens in my diet!

Soo, to the recipe.

1 C water
1 spoonful of cold pressed unrefined coconut oil
Lots of greens.. anything you want. I would start with just spinach. It tastes mild. (I like a little kale and collards and also mustard greens Oh... and parsley is AMAZING!)
You need enough greens that once blended with the water and oil, it makes about 3 cups. That is a LOT.

After you have blended the heck outta those greens and water, add frozen fruit. I only need a cup or so of frozen fruit, but feel free to add more. I prefer strongly flavored fruit like mangoes and peaches. Mangoes are the BEST!

Now pour into a big huge glass and enjoy a wonderful delight!

As you get farther along, you will be able to add less fruit, and more greens. I also sometimes use flax seed oil, or probiotics or any of those random little things that are hard to get into your diet, but are oh so healthy. When I have had a REALLY bad nutrition day, and I feel bloated and just plain nasty, I have been known to take a day off, and just drink green smoothies all day. It always seems to get me right back on track. I love them I tell you... LOVE them.

Oh, and worry not about the 'side effects'. As far as the fiber and the cleansing they are full of, the only real issue I had... was that pooing went from a terrible drudgery (since giving birth, it was ALWAYS painful) to an almost delight! I mean really, could it be more great than that? And delicious too? Oh, and the prettiest green ever! (Unless you use berries... and then you get a poothie! haha!)

Enjoy my friends! I sure do. The very worst comment I ever got from someone trying one was... oh, wow, that is not bad! Most of the time people tell me how shocked they are that it is so yummy, and how can they make more! And just as often.. I have a new convert, a few have even saved up for the expensive blender I have that makes them silky smooth! Now THAT is some smoothie love!

Beets My Nemesis

2009-06-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

I read ALL the time about how beets are so good for you. They are a sweet treat that your body doesn't even recognize as a sweet, they are good for your digestion, and apparently women are more likely to have candida, and beets, again, are a sweet treat that do not feed the candida!

Soooo, the whole sweet treat thing, you coulda fooled me! Gag. No matter how I have tried to prepare them, or disguise them, I think they are NASTY. Apparently my digestive system agrees with me! haha! Saturday I made a smoothie with them. Gag... then this morning I made a beet and celery juice drink. Gag again. You should have seen how much Stevia I had to put in that thing just so I could gag it down! Oh, and then.... like 2 hours later... oh my. Lets just say, I feel safe in saying it is ALL gone! It was pretty though... haha, poo, pretty! hahaha!

Too bad since I do love the color of beets. I am going to try one more way of preparing them. Then I think I will just give up. They just taste like dirt! Oh, and I hear that you can make a delightful choclate cake out of beets. I might try that too. I just don't want to give up. I mean, you know how many NASTY green smoothies I made before I found the ONE that I cannot live without???

Nutritional Overlaod

2009-06-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

Well, lets see if I can put all this stuff swimming around in my head, into real words.

There are a LOT of different schools of thought on nutrition out there. There are plenty of things that 'work'. Make us thin, and feel in control. And there are things that clean us out and heal our bodies. There never seems to be something that does BOTH.

I have long adhered to the Eating For Life lifestyle. You eat pretty clean meals 6 times a day. There were a few things that really bothered me about it though. I never felt like there were enough veggies, or fruits for that matter. And they suggest that you eat a lot of fake sugars and lots of over processed fat free things. All things that I knew my body was not fond of, but I did it anyway just so that I could be lean and mean.

Then I had my sweet son, and his skin issues popped up. Along the same time, I started having issues with what the Dr.s assume to be my gall bladder. Ok, we HAVE to do something about that! So, while I was looking for a solution to my own ails (I had not yet discovered the extent of The Boy's nutritional restrictions yet) I found green smoothies. Life changing is one term for it! Immediately I felt better. Odd things like my allergies, started to disappear all together. And my cellulite.. shocker of all shockers... started to really disappear! What?

Then I found out about my son's extensive food sensitivities. Oh boy. That is another life changer for sure. Pretty much he cannot have any grains or citrus fruits, or root veggies. How do you make a meal without rice, tomatoes, or garlic??? Yeah, that is totally where we are!

Then add to it, my mom went Vegan about this time. All kinds of weird to me, but she was losing weight right and left and looking so lean and healthy and YOUNG! Happy too, and not just because she was skinny. She looked amazing.

So here we are, vegan mom that looks amazing, son that cannot eat most of the foods we 'rely' on, my body not able to handle all the 'healthy' precessed foods. What am I supposed to do?

The whole Raw Food thing weirds me out to be honest. Yet, at the same time, it intrigues me. I still think that we should cook some food... I mean, here I am a Bible believer and God DEFINITELY told His people to cook some meat! But the health benefits of raw greens and other veggies is too great to be ignored or dismissed. This is the thing I felt was missing in my Eating For Life meals. All the glorious bounty of God's earth!

So, how in the world am I going to keep working towards a lean muscular (THAT is the part that I am afraid I will not be able to get) healthy inside and out body? Somehow I need to find a way to meld some of the Raw ideals with some animal protein (though I am learning that greens have a LOT of protein.. shocking actually) and make my insides so healthy that it comes pouring out the outsides!

While I was SOOO sick, I was in so much pain and I did a lot of half rational/irrational talking with God. I kept feeling lead to deal with our family and food. How it is my job to feed my beautiful family healthy live foods. I cried and cried about how much pain I was in, and I got this little nudge that if I do not take care of our eating NOW, that my late life will be full of pain. I already have arthritis in my knees. I already know that eating has the MOST effect and that exercise just helps that much more. It all seems to boil down to feeding our bodies what God intended.

Of course, there is SO much more than this... but this can just be installation one. haha!

The Morning That Wasn't

2009-06-15T17:48:00.000-07:00

Soo... I was all set to get up and DO SOMETHING this morning... but apparently when I went to bed early last night, I totally spaced and did not set the alarm. In fact, not only did I sleep past 6am, I did not even hear my hubby get ready for work, or put the kid in OUR bed. Yep, I am that tired. The kid must have gone back to sleep, because he woke me up at 8ish.

This tired thing is getting old. I am able to do everything I need to do. It is just that kind of tired I was when I was knocked up. I would find myself on the couch, arm across my eyes, feet up, drooling, and never know how or when I ended up there. I am totally there right now! No, not knocked up. Just sooo sooo tired. Maybe it is my body trying to adjust to the endless sunlight of summer?

On a more positive note, you should see what I made for supper. It was AMAZING! I have been trying to incorporate a lot more raw foods into my diet, so tonight I decided to try a 'chopped salad'. It looked good to me because there is NO lettuce in it! Wahoo! I hate lettuce! (Hence the copious amounts of greens in my green lemonade and green smoothies I drink daily!) Sooo, you add grape tomatoes, zucchini (which is amazingly delightful raw), green onion, corn (raw as well), carrots, green beans (how sad is it that I did not know you could eat them raw?), yellow bell pepper. Chop all that up, and then I put a very tiny drizzle of a dressing I read about in the same book. It was lemon juice (fresh outta my brand spankin new juicer), olive oil, ginger, garlic, and some funky 'raw' soy sauce stuff. WOW. Totally delish. So yummy in fact, that I ate TWO big bowls of that.. and nothing else! Not even the chicken I made! The chopped salad was amazing! I can't wait to have some tomorrow for lunch! Wahoo!

Ok, I really want to write about my whole nutrition dilemma, but alas I am exhausted, so I am going to clean up the house a bit before I find myself drooling on the couch again!

A Return to Life

2009-06-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been sick, recovering, or just in a crazy whirlwind for over a month now. Today was the first 'normal' day in a LONG LONG time. I am so tired I cannot even tell you.

I have not worked out in all that time, not any 'real' workouts anyway. I have eaten a healthy meal here and there, but only here and there! It is horrible and I feel exactly that way!

So here I am. Tomorrow is a new day. I am so grateful for those mercies! I have a month till my family reunion... and that is a whole new barrel of issues. I come from a family (especially that side) where body size is a HUGE issue. You are worth your size. I mean, it is so bad, that FOR REAL, one of the women lost her baby because she would not freaking eat! So... though that is not usually an issue for me.. I really need to be in a healthy place when I show up. Mentally, physically, and nutritionally. I need to be confident too, because it can get to you.

Anyway, all this to say, that though I still feel SO off, I am getting up tomrrow at 6am. I do not plan on doing anything but getting out of bed since I feel so terrible today. My Sweet Love is going to go ride his bike, so I might get out in the garage and jump some rope, and play with those freaky bands. If I feel like poop still, I will just sit and read my Bible! So no matter what... I will have a great morning! haha!

So, look forward to my return to this blog, and real life after sickness and misery! I have so much stuff to write about and share, but off to bed I go for now!

Still Alive... barely

2009-06-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

I am still alive, and finally getting better. I have been sick for almost two weeks now. This is a little insane. I have not been this kind of sick in a LONG time. I am not sure if the food poisoning was more painful, or this.. maybe a toss up.

I am on antibiotics, so I am getting better. I can stand now. That is a VAST improvement! Oh, and do you ever read the sheet they give you with your prescription medicine? Mine apparently is also used to slow down anthrax exposure. Eeewww!

The Last Two Weeks, God, Style...

2009-05-30T04:54:00.000-07:00

So... I started the challenge and got off to a great start. Was stoked that I would be going to my mom's so I could use 'real' weight and not be constrained to just body weight exercises and the bands, which have a high occurrence of making me look like a fool when they slap me in the back of the head if I do not secure them just right. And then, reality hit...

I am amazed at how many things I can block from my memory. Please do not misunderstand me, I believe my parents did a good job, and absolutely did the best they could, and I KNOW they love us... but they still have their issues. And boy howdy do they. You see, my dad yells a lot. All the time, he yells. When he is mad, hungry, frustrated, tired. Just like a two year old, he throws his little fits. Now my mom... she had a dad that would yell too, but then, he would beat them. I believe that she got the brunt of it all because she was little (she is still only 5 foot 3) and once everyone else cleared the room, she was what was left. So, can you see the little dynamic that is now set up? My poor dad must not realize all this, because he just goes along throwing fits, while my mother literally melts right in front of him. He is a sweet loving man, that is apparently BLIND! So, this is the crap I got to watch all 10 days I was there. I had forgotten how bad it was. This is part of why she is SO scatterbrained. How can you have your crap together when you are always 'waiting' for the next beating? (My dad has NEVER hit one of us like that... she is just subconsciously waiting for the beating to begin, because that is how it always was when she was little, you see?) There is so much more than that, but that is enough of the iceberg for now.

So, yeah, issues. Stupid, right? The yelling never really affected me. I am so like him, that I just got that he had his panties in a wad and had no better way of expressing it. Sure, sometimes it really got to me. Once I totally had a nosebleed in my calculus homework, but I am pretty uptight, so it did not take much for my hyper teen hormones to flip out! But this last visit, I realized how much my mom's inability to keep it together when he threw fits, molded me. How weird that the yelling was not an issue, but a mother that disintegrates at the least thought (oh, and HARPS on the possibility) of a 'stress relieving' session, would shape me! No wonder I get so pissed when I cannot keep my crap together! NO WONDER. (Are YOU tired yet? I am) Poor thing, she had no role model, so she did the best she could. Now, I need to acknowledge that, and somehow, in the middle of my own meltdown mode, realize that I am a big girl, and I CAN handle it. I can, sheesh! This stuff (life in general) is NOT that hard!

So, while I was at my parent's house, I pretty much ate, and escaped. I just had to survive. I don't think that I would have realized all of this if I had not been in the place I am with my walk with God. I am thankful for that.

Also, while I was there, I did a lot of visiting of family and other things that totally freak me out. (I am SO not a people person. Call me Recluse) As a result, I did not take the time out I needed to be with my God while I was there, and I suffered for it. When I got back home, I was so ready to get back into my 6am meetings with Him, and then I got sick, and OH how much pain I have been in when I wake up. And by nap time, I am just DONE. I can barely watch TV let alone dig into the Bible.

BUT, this morning, I was able to get back to it. Glad I did. I have had a lot of things floating around in my head that seemed to have started to assimilate into rational thought while I was reading I Corinthians 10. Odd chapter, but God knows I like things a little random, so He works with me! haha!

So, onto Style. Laura keeps telling me that I need to BE who I am. She is backed up with God on that one, so I guess I will listen to her. I have been thinking, and praying, a lot about that. What words would I use to describe myself, if I was using nice words. (You so know I am still using all kinds of unflattering terms for myself, and I am working on it) I can't seem to come up with anything that has substance. You know, like pretty blue eyes is not WHO I am. So, last night, I was praying, while surfing one of my favorite blogs. I know, hang with me here! This woman is simple, loves God, and loves her family. The things that matter to her most, are her family, and God. Those are the only things she invests her time into. Sure she invests in others, she does have a blog out there... but the bulk of her time and devotion, goes to her family and God. Then it hit me. That is all I have ever really wanted to be. I want people to look at me and KNOW that I love God, and my family. That is it. Nothing else do I need them to think about me. That is what I want people to describe me as. In fact, the best word I can think of, would be 'Wholesome". My Sweet Love described me as that in a love letter once. I know some people would be even offended by that, but for me, that completed my heart, and warmed me from deep in my soul, all the way to my toes. Wholesome. That is who I am. I am SO cool with that!

So what does that have to do with style? Well, lets see. I am athletic, and pretty much a tomboy, with some longings of a giryl girl, deep down in there. Where does that leave me, all scrambled for sure! Since I am pretty heavy up top, I have a hard time keeping it all covered up. And when I do get the girls all wrapped up, then it is HOT (this is Texas) and mostly unattractive! (As in I feel like I either look like a hussy, or a fatty... which would you pick?) So athletic wear seems to be for the less gifted, so that one is out. Tomboy, well I am not into other women, and I always get approached by other women when I am dressed in tomboy kind of stuff. So that is out. Now girly girl, we run into the 'girls' again, and honestly, it is just WAY too much fuss for me anyway. So that is out. So I am left with sloppy, huge t shirts and jeans. With my new mom body (re: jelly belly roll thingy) jeans are not fitting quite right either. Humph. Sometimes I just wish I could slap on a tank top, mid length peasant or plain hippie skirt, maybe a colorful apron, tie my long hair loosely behind my neck, and be done with it. Wait, would that work? I don't know... Maybe I should try.

Ok, I think that is enough for now. I am tired since The Boy woke me up at 5am. Poor thing, I feel his pain. I can hear him now rustling around, so I guess I need to get my coffee drunk and get ready to greet my family!

I promise to post about meeting with some people at my mom's house and how God has prepared me for it, and what I cannot stop pretending like He is telling me to do! Just not today, ok?

Still sick - UPDATE

2009-05-29T08:03:00.001-07:00

We are ALL sick now. Both hubby and I have some sort of upper respiratory thing going on. And so does The Boy, and I think he has pink eye on top of that!

The Boy and I are going to the Dr today, so we shall see. I feel 'better' in the fact that I can get off the couch, but I am in more pain each and every day. Today, when I woke up, I wanted to cry I hurt so much. My throat is so swollen that it is kinda hard to breath. That is why I am going to the Dr. At least I can kinda function.

I have been cleaning up my eats. Made some beautiful food from Tosca's Eat Clean book. And yesterday The Boy and I made the DELIGHTFUL ice cream from the newest Clean Eating magazine. YUM. Oh, yeah, totally bombed the challenge (see above, ate sweets) I will post about that when I can think straight.

Hope we get well soon. I am pretty tired of this last month of insanity. At least all this craziness waited until AFTER I ran the half marathon! I am very grateful for that!

UPDATE
Yeah, I am sick. I thought I was just being wimpy, but alas, even the Dr conceded that I am indeed sick! ha! She gave me a shot, a bunch of different meds, and lots of instructions to hopefully avoid needing antibiotics. She also armed me with ways to prevent The Boy from getting as bad as I am. Now if Sweet Love would just take some of the advice she gave me... yeah right!

Oh, and Lucas, not only has pink eye, but in BOTH eyes, and I am pretty sure that tomorrow, I will wake up with it in my right eye. Oh well. His Dr was kind enough to hook us up with a refill if we need it, as in if one of us (re: ME) gets it too! How smart is she?

I'm here I'm Here

2009-05-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry, been at my mom's for 10 days... so NO time to do ANYTHING! Promise I will post... just not yet.

Just got home, I am sick, Sweet Love is sick, and I am so grateful that The Boy is NOT sick! So I will probably just go to bed tonight after I get him to bed, and I will probably not post tomorrow either! Please be patient... I am just trying to catch a breath!

Day 6

2009-05-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, exercise done. It was wimpy, but I did SOMETHING.

This is what I did.. Top 8 Stability Ball Exercises.

Cheesy, right? But the real deal for me, is making this a life thing. Some days I am just not going to work in a 6 mile run, so if I jump around a little and fall off the 'greatest ball in the house' (so thinks The Boy) well then, my mind can still think I did not fail, and therefore will pick back up tomorrow, and kick my own tushy!

Yeah for me! (PS I think I should state again that I seriously miss stupid FaceBook. So silly.)

Tomorrow is Sunday, I am looking forward to the spiritual renewal. I can't wait to discuss the second chapter of Daniel with my Sunday School class. I discovered so much even in that crazy vision filled chapter this week!

Another Day

2009-05-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

First I would like to say that I REALLY miss FaceBook. It is so silly, and a little embarrassing as well as humbling!

No workout today. It was a FULL day. I don't know how working mothers do it. I sure would not be able to maintain! I worked from 8am till almost 5 at the daycare, then I came home and took care of some things, then my two men (Sweet Love and The Boy) took me out for Mother's Day. (I hate crowds, so we like to celebrate a little early, or late to avoid all the people... and the WAITING!) That was really fun, but that also meant I missed working out.

Tomorrow my 'normal' life resumes, so it should be easier to get more on track with eating, and I honestly will not have an excuse for not finding SOME way to workout each day!

So my final thoughts on this week so far: better than I feared, but I definitely have LOTS of room for improvement. Oh, and I am so not sore from my workout yesterday! I cannot believe it. I just knew my calves would be dying, but nothing. I have a little bit of tenderness on my left quad just at the teardrop part above the knee, but seriously, that is nuthin'. I am SO going to kill it at the next jump rope workout! No holding back this time! ;)

Day 4

2009-05-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Eats still off, but I will check out all the wonderful suggestions this weekend! Thanks!

I just finished a jump rope and body weight exercise interval type workout. (Does that even make sense?) I am still dripping with sweat as we speak. It was delightfully fun and the most inspired I have felt since I finished my race! In fact, in my effort to figure out why I was not able to jump rope for a whole minute without hitting myself (apparently I am just out of practice) I had a mirror out in the garage to watch my form. What? I have leg muscles? When did that happen? I have been FREAKING so much about how flabby my tummy is that I have totally missed the appearance of arm muscles and LOTS of leg definition. So sad, right? That whole forest for the flabby trees thing. I swear I should look for a bunch of cheap mirrors to put up in my gym so that I can notice that sort of thing!

So, good day, just need to work on the eating thing. I am off to the shower. I am going to take care of my kid and my friends kids while our hubbies go be freak nerd and watch the new Star Trek movie tonight! haha!

Day Three

2009-05-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it is getting worse, not better as I go! BAH!

I got to work late, and so I was all freaked out (the lady that owns the day care is quite anal, and is only surpassed by her husband, who is there all day, but apparently is incapable of lending a hand.. but I digress.) So I totally forgot to eat.. AGAIN. I did get it together and the Lord was gracious and made sure that there was not one little morsel of kid food left for me to snack on, ha! When I got home, I got sidetracked again, and did not eat until we hit the drive thru on the way to church, I know, right?

So, here I am again, no workout, well unless you count the 8 minute hike to work with kid in stroller, and the 8 minute hike UP a hill on the way home. I will add that I walk FAST anyway, and even faster when I am trying to get to work, or get home (it is HOT on the way home). So it is not like I did nothing. It is just that I do that almost every time and if that was all it took, a little walk there and back and all the WORK it takes to care for 6 kids (between the ages of 6 months and 2.5), then I would not see at least 90% of the childcare providers in all the certification classes I have to go to, in the mortally obese category, right? Ok, off tiny rant soap box.

As for yesterdays workout, I am not sore, but I feel like my muscles are a little tight maybe? I think that next time I want to come up with my own workout and make it more intense, you know, without the added rest time of dealing with a sweet two year old asking me to help him with his bands (how cute, right?) It is in my plan tomorrow. I should be home most of the day, so I can get that in during nap.

I got to get this eating 5-6 times a day thing figured out. The last time I was able to do it successfully I worked full time and my PC popped up reminders when I needed to eat. Now that I stay home, I am not in front of a PC to have it remind me enough for that to be effective. I wonder how many alarm clocks I would need to get in order to remember to eat? haha!

Day 2

2009-05-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

So far, the eats were not so good. I forgot to eat until 11ish. I know, right? It is my fault for drinking coffee, I don't feel hungry when I do that, but I AM hungry! Mentally Noted.

I did however do the workout that came with my tubes. WAY harder than I thought it would be. I was kind of pleasantly surprised. It was 30 minutes long too, and it felt like 30 minutes! ha! And since I am not a big fan of ab exercises, the little bit that the video had in it, about killed me. Between the cramps, only having coffee for breakfast, and the workout, I am not doing so hot! Ha!
Side note about the video... they so should have picked a less beefy woman. I am all for muscles, but oh my. She looked like a body builder man! Not even a body builder woman! She even had that really big full muscled belly thing going on! I do NOT believe that she got that build from tubes either! hahahahaha!

I might be running this afternoon as well. I am not sure. It is raining and there is a lot of other things I need to do, so we will see. I am back on track with eating now too.

Yesterday Revised

2009-05-05T04:54:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I did not workout at after all. During dinner I pretty much had to hold myself up to keep from falling asleep in my food! We even went for a walk together as a family, which means really slow, and though I felt more awake, by the time I got the kid to bed and the kitchen cleaned up, I was just done. So I drank some OJ (didn't even have the energy for a green smoothie) and crawled into bed. Pathetic, right? I am not going to beat myself up however. I mean, if I am so tired that I don't even want to watch TV or read a book, well then I am pretty darn tired!

SO, today I have my wonderful quiet time done already, and I am ready to face the day. No work with the kids today, but we will be getting our heater and AC replaced tomorrow while I am working with the kids again. I will be doing all that I can think of to make their job easier. Pulling furniture away from the vents, taking pictures off the walls, emptying out my closet (the drain for the furnace or whatever goes right through our closet and then outside). It will still be a full day, but much more of a normal day for us. Pretty sure we are going to walk with Favi too. No running since we both have kids in strollers! We are wimps about that! haha!

So Far

2009-05-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

Today I worked at the daycare I where I usually work during lunchtime, except today, I worked all alone the whole day! I had six kids from 7 months to 2.5 from 8 am till 5:30pm. It was not bad and I even managed to get my meals in pretty well so far!

Meal 1: Cottage Cheese and Yogurt
Meal 2: BSN Lean Protein
Meal 3: Green Beans and small piece of steak my Sweet Love brought me!
Meal 4: BSN Lean Protein

Right now I am munching on some Almond clusters. I am sure I could do better, but I KNOW I would normally be doing worse, and I think I did not get enough carbs (so I am REALLY hungry) since I think the BSN is JUST protein.. so all in all, I am just saying I am glad I put them in a bowl, instead of ate out of the bag. And I am SO not going to get upset at myself! ha!

Sweet Love is making dinner right now. I will eat that, and then have a green smoothie at some point tonight. Oh, and I still have to fit in a workout. I plan on doing some body weight exercises, like lunges and squats, with some band exercises for my arms. A light, whole body workout. Tomorrow, run.. somehow, not sure yet on the timing! That is going to be the whole issue for this. Getting in both my quiet time AND my workout. Quiet time with my Savior comes first.

One Mile Timed

2009-05-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

So I am a little, um, a lot, faster than I thought I would be! So now I am pretty scared that I won't make my goal. But I actually know that I can make that goal, because I know my body can go faster, and that the only breakthrough I need in my training, is in my head and heart! So, I will keep with my original goal! Oh soooo, scary.

My mile today was 8:29
My goal mile time is now 8:14

Go JRo GO!

Tomorrow I will take pictures, weight, and measurements... but in order to keep my head on the speed and growth in my relationship with Christ, I will not do that again until the final day. It is about speed, and my walk!