Emotion, Raw, & a Reunion

So, I have been missing from the blog for a little bit. Fear not, I am not gone... just treading water up to my top lip!

My family reunion is on Saturday. Every family is messed up, I get that. We each have our own family issues, fine. Well, this particular side of my family may be all 'high class' (not a redneck amongst the bunch), but that does not mean there isn't some dysfunction! My dad's side of my family is all about being skinny... at ANY cost. One woman in the family is SO skinny, as in bones with skin laid across them. She was pregnant a while back. Gossip, if you listen to it, says that the Dr told her she would lose the baby if she did not start eating. She lost the baby. And, if that was not enough, we are part American Indian. So if you can't be skinny, at least you can be tan, right? Yeah, well I got my mom's super fair Scottish skin that is so pasty it glows. So I am out on all accounts! Oh, I do have the beautiful American Indian high cheekbones, but somehow that is not currency in this family! ha!

So, back to why all that back story matters. The reunion is in two days. Now I know that I do not need to judge myself by their standards. I know that being skinny by not eating, or eating processed rice cakes, is NOT something that I want to do. I have already established that my key goal is health. But this does not mean that being openly judged by their standards is not going to get to me! I have been on this part of my health journey for over a year, and the last three months this reunion date has been looming over me. I did not start the raw thing in order to fit into smaller clothes for the reunion, though that would have been nice! I did it to get healthier, and hopefully fitter. And I was doing GREAT! Making amazing strides and fighting all kinds of inner battles. Then my period came, and I lost sight of the trail. And then the real terror hit. I started stressing about this stupid reunion! Bah! *sigh*

Oh well. I am going to do my best to get through the reunion. Do my best to pick the best options I can. To stop and recognise the emotion, and not 'eat it' so to speak. And when I get back, I can step back in where I was. I do think, however, that I am not ready to give up coffee completely. It is kind of my last vice. Especially now that I am trying to do raw till dinner. I just need SOMETHING until I can find another option. But I can't get to that other option from where I am standing right now, and personally I think that my coffee drinking is just not that destructive, considering all the other things I used to binge on in the past. I am just not ready. Maybe next month!

I will say that I still really have no craving for fast food stuff. That kind of died when I stopped drinking sodas a while back. I have had a few of my son's fries (he can't have them anyway) and I got just onion rings once. But both times I stopped mid bag and thought, ugh, this is NOT yummy, what can I find in the fridge to eat! What, did that just come out of my mouth????

So, pray for me to make it through this stupid reunion. To add injury to insult, my great girl friend buddies are all at the most fabulous scrapbooking retreat eating yummy food (though none of it would qualify as raw!) and swimming in a great little pool, staying up till 2am, and scrapbooking their hearts out in a PRIVATE room while they jam to great tunes from our high school days. I am so bummed. My grandmother had to pull out the guilt trip. "It is the last one we will have at the lake house!" she says. Humph, fine, I will miss the retreat, and suffer at the reunion! Oh, and did I mention I have to drive 5 hours just to get TO the reunion? At least I get to see both of my brothers, and my brand new baby niece! Look for the blessings JRo!

Oh, and one last note.. my juicer broke, I know, could not have been better timing, really. But I emailed the lady I bought it from, and if I get it to her REALLY fast, then she will send me another one! WAHOO! I get it replaced for the cost of shipping it back to her. Done deal! But in the meantime, I bought some little bags called Nut Milk bags that are supposed to be able to 'strain' the pulp out and leave just juice. Let me explain... blend all the ingredients you want to 'juice', then 'strain' them through the nut bags. They will be my backup at the very least!