Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Adult Reality

Life gets away with us, doesn't it? Around here it has been crazy. This adult stuff is for the birds. Be a teenager.. stay that way while you are one. I promise your imagined trials are better than when you are an adult. And yet, I am pretty glad I am an adult. Even if I have to watch my friends marriages fall apart, and babies die, and husbands fall deathly ill. That would be just a taste of what the last 6 months have been like on my side of the computer!

HOWEVER. I have been thinking. And praying. And mulling life over in my head. I keep thinking about how I let life run me over and how I seem to like to play the victim. Granted I had great modeling as a child. But I am an adult now, I can chose how I deal with situations, right? Aren't I, as a child of the King, supposed to be able to deal with things better because I know the outcome is glorifying to my Father, and I have the Spirit to comfort and guide me? No matter what? Shouldn't time with Him, be more important than even time with my blessing of a family? Or better yet, self loathing? Or even working out and eating right?

And about that self loathing... I have been really into nutrition for a LONG time. But it is a lot harder to live it than to preach it. Being gluten free (since the birth of my second son over a year ago) has really helped. But after all this time, I am finding that I can find just as many NOT good for me treats as I used too! But I digress. How about instead of finding ways I can feed myself to 'deal' with the day (say a trip to Starbucks, or trying yet another brand of gluten free cookie in hopes of the magic yumminess cookies are with gluten!), I should FUEL myself to lovingly raise my family. You know, that family I always dreamed of, that God graciously gifted me. Yeah, that. And while I am fueling myself, instead of taking little short cuts and pretending to eat well, maybe I actually should. Maybe I should treat this earthly body as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Remember how Solomon decked out the Tabernacle??? Oh yeah, maybe I should take 1/1000 of the care of myself that he did of God's house.

I keep walking past a mirror in my house and seeing how I stand, or actually, how I slouch. And how ill fitting my clothing are. And how tired and angry I look ALL. THE. TIME. And the saddest part of that, other than the fact that it has taken me 35.5 years to actually SEE myself in the mirror, is that I am NOT anything like what I look like! I am loving and a touch anal and actually like to get dressed well. I am lazy too, but the flip side is I am not fussy. I am quick to help out, eager and strong. Forever forgiving (of everyone but myself and the Post Office, but that is a whole other matter.) Instead of seeing this in the mirror, I see an angry, tired, frumpy, housewife with the WORST posture. Uh Oh.

So.. for the past few weeks, I have been more mindful of my posture. Getting better about my food choices (though making homemade ice cream is NOT doing me any favors!), and scouring the internet for new, fast, 'mom who has to workout WITH the kids' approved workouts. (That was surprisingly annoying to do since I just really don't think you should have to advertise the efficiency of your 'mom approved' workouts in something a string would give you more coverage in. Seriously, our nation takes it TOO far! Again with the digressing) I have found a few and tried them out. After the insanity that is spring break I am eager to get after it. I am planning to also find every way possible to burn some fuel all day. Maybe eventually I can give my insomnia a knock out punch and it will GO AWAY!

My hope is to find my passion for fitness and nutrition again. My husband does not plan on us having any more kids (though we still plan to adopt). So my nearest future now consists of a toddler and an elementary schooler. I REALLLYYYYY want my boys to know the value of a woman girded in strength. One who knows how to eat to fuel her body. One who will feed her children, their children, my grandchildren, good, healthy, mind and body building fuel! How better to teach them, than to do it myself.

Now I just have to do it, right!?!?! I am so sick of my own excuses. That is all this blog has been.. excuses.

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